Over the last few years, I’ve been led away from my spiritual path by the business of my life. My organized religious life fell away as I focused on my children, my work, my husband’s schedule, and my home. I struggled to keep some semblance of a spiritual practice alive but failed most days.

When it came to my work, I was led astray of my desire to focus on writing and speaking about human potential, personal growth and practical spirituality (often from a Jewish perspective but pertinent to anyone). Instead, I focused on writing and speaking about writing and publishing — which did pay off; I have a traditionally published book coming out in April 2011. However, here I also found myself far from home — from my spiritual center. Previously, I’d been able to join my spiritual and professional path.

If, like me, you find yourself far from home, you have to find your way back or you will continue to feel disconnected from your Source — God and your soul. Two things happened to me recently to help me see the path back home.

First, I attended High Holy Day services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. This allowed me to feel part of my spiritual community and to immerse myself in prayer — in spiritual an religious practice. This reminded me of how much I need this in my life. I came home… Sometimes we have to physically travel home to our religious or spiritual community.

Second, I received several “messages” to return to work on one of my spiritual books. I sold several copies of a short version of the book. My literary agent told me to revamp the book proposal and get it ready for January 2012. And, most recently, I stayed with a woman in New York who happened to have met the man who helped me research the book and who encouraged me to write it.

I suggest that if you feel far from home…removed from your soul and your God…on a path that doesn’t feel in synch with your inner contours…that you find a spiritual community. Then watch and listen for signs of how you can walk a path that allows you to feel a sense of soul purpose or, at least, connection to soul, each and every day in our work or daily activity.

If you can’t find the path, if you don’t know where home is, simply close your eyes and get quiet. Ask for a clear picture or a message. Then listen. Watch. Pay attention.

And remember: You are always home. Your soul is always connected to Source. Source constantly guides you. You are never on the wrong path. Every path leads to the same place. You will always arrive at your destination. Home. Simple allow yourself to see the way — take God’s hand.

I’m not saying I don’t even get upset or angry over things that happen, but I try to switch gears quickly, problem solve and stay pretty positive and grateful. My husband, on the other hand, tends to just get angry and upset and to feel like a victim to circumstance. It becomes hard for him to see anything positive–any upside or opportunity.

So, for example, when our state tax refund showed up just in time to pay for the property taxes and my son’s summer dance program (both of which we were going to have to pay for out of our savings account), he saw that as something about which to be upset rather than happy. The money that we had just received went out the door as fast as it came in.

And when my old car died just as we were about to get our federal tax return, which we hoped to save, again this was something about which to feel angry.

I wasn’t pleased about spending the money we could have saved, but in both cases I simply accepted the fact that we had expenses–and we had been provided with the means to meet them. I felt grateful that we didn’t have to go into debt or deplete our savings. I also didn’t spend a lot of time getting upset or angry about the situation–or shaking my fist at God.

Rather I felt as if God were acting as my partner. As always, I believed in some way shape or form God’s hand was in all of this. I knew I just needed to trust that everything was okay and would be okay. I knew I just needed to feel connected.

Interestingly enough, this morning after more discussions with my husband about new cars and money, I got an email from one of my favorite rabbi–a man and teacher who has helped me with my own writing projects and who put me on the Jewish mystical (and Jewish spiritual) path. I took the time to visit Rabbi David Cooper’s website and found a post there that spoke to this point (and inspired my post today). In reading Rabbi Cooper’s words I was reminded how hard we must work every day to stay conscious and connected to Source, to not react to what we are presented with in our lives each day but instead to respond. That’s why we must stay on the spiritual path no matter how hard that feels, engaging in some sort of spiritual practice. And, and I’ve said before, it does take practice to stay conscious and connected. It doesn’t happen without effort and daily–almost hourly or minute-to-minute–sessions.

Rabbi Cooper writes:

The purpose of spiritual practice is to gently and consistently move us from our place, where we normally “hang out” in our day-to-day behavior, to a mind state of greater refinement. In this context, refinement is connected with our conditioning, our normal reflexes and responses to situations that arise every day. Through practice, we begin to reflect and react in different ways. This change in our behavior actually causes many significant results.

Spiritual practice, is this context, has a series of tiny ekstasis that arise when we behave out of place of our normal reactions. We must keep in mind that “normal” for most of us is quite different from “natural.” Normal is how we are conditioned to respond. Conditioning develops from the time we are conceived; some say that our propensities to be conditioned go back into our genetic dna. But the spiritual principal at the base of many traditions is that our natural inclinations arise when we fully recognize the basic nature of our own minds and thereby gain greater ability to resist conditioned reactions.

Through our spiritual practice we learn to respond rather than react, to stay connected and conscious. Another of my teachers, author Stuart Wilde, says this is like spiritual weight lifting. We become stronger, more able to change how we react to the irritations in our life–the situations that arise–by constantly practicing remaining conscious and connected no matter what arises–in spite of what arises–in our lives. Life becomes our training ground, our gym, our practice field.

Little by little, day by day, hour by hour we change simply by living. As Rabbi Cooper writes:

Skilled practice results from an ongoing engagement in the mystery of what everyday life presents. As we never know what life will bring, we need always to be prepared to meet this unknowable reality with our highest potential. Thus, to the best of our ability, we continuously are challenged to bring our awareness to the many opportunities that present themselves as a series of invitations for manifesting enlightened actions. Each and every time we succeed, we change the world.

I’ve still got a long way to go–a lot of practice before I become truly “awakened” or “enlightened.” I still react more than I’d like; I still get irritated by the irritations. I notice this when I angrily respond to the fact that my son forgot an essential item that prevented him from taking dance class–after I drove an hour and a half to take him there, the shelf in my living room has not been replaced by my husband after five months or the insurance agent takes two hours to ask me questions I already answered once before. So, you’ll find me in my spiritual gym on most days lifting weights in an effort to become more awakened.

As Rabbi Cooper explains:

The highest teachings are explicit in describing the idea that our most enlightened opportunities occur in the ordinary daily life we now experience. The difference is that one who is awakened recognizes the essential nature of what is happening while one who is not awakened is easily overwhelmed by an ongoing flow of “self” induced dramas.

To rid ourselves of this sense of drama, Rabbi Cooper says we must rid ourselves of the belief that we are separate. When we do so, we also lose many of the harmful actions, false beliefs, negative reactions, confusion, irritation, and suffering that go with it.

Instead of believing we are separate–something most of us have believed for a long, long time–we must remember we are connected and always have been. Connection is our normal state of being. We only think we are separate from the Source; the thought doesn’t happen to represent truth.  It’s a meme, a thought given to you by someone else that you adopted. You can choose to adopt the thought that you are connected instead, but knowing and feeling this connection comes with spiritual practice.

Some people end up feeling too irritated, too angry, and they fall off the spiritual path before they can change their reactions or thoughts. They leave the spiritual gym seeing no results from their efforts. They feel alone in their work there and without a personal trainer. They don’t feel connected, so they go off alone blaming the gym and it’s Proprietor for their failure. They don’t realize that if they don’t stay in spiritual shape, bit by bit, parts of their life start feeling harder and harder. Without connection and consciousness, everything begins to feel like an irritation and a struggle.You get stuck reacting to irritations in your life in the same old way you always have.

Is that what you want? I don’t. So I look for “enlightened opportunities” as they occur in my ordinary daily life to respond in conscious and connected manner. I lift spiritual weights daily. Sometimes I’m not strong enough to do all the sets, but I keep lifting.

How do you react to the irritations in your life?

During Ramadan Muslims participating in the holiday refrain from eating from morning until evening – in other words they fast each day. They also refrain from drinking and behavior that is in excess or ill-natured. For 30 days Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. More specifically, they are expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam and to purify both thoughts and actions. The fast is intended to be an exacting act of deep personal worship in which Muslims seek a raised awareness of closeness to God as well as a purification of themselves personally.

Muslims are expected to put a lot more effort into the teaching of Islam in general–primarily into the worship of God, into their prayers and into purifying themselves. Yet, it’s just as important to be helpful to and caring of others, which is why they are extra charitable with their time and wealth during the month of Ramadan. It’s a time of reflection and a time of God consciousness and when Muslims give whatever they have and the best of what they have.

While observing these traditions during the month of Ramadan represents a Muslim tradition, the rituals and practices actually are pertinent to anyone from any religious or spiritual background–even Jews. In fact, many of these practices are similar in nature to Jewish practices during the Jewish High Holy Days. Here are five ways that people who don’t follow Islam can take this month-long religious observance and use its principles or practices in their own life.

1. Use the month-long spiritual observance idea. Anything you do for 30 or 40 days helps you develop a new habit. So, if you want to develop a new spiritual practice or to deepen your spiritual practice, doing something for 30 days will help you achieve that goal.
2. Review a sacred texts. Jews, Christians and Muslims do this. Jews read the whole Torah each year. Muslims read the whole Quran during Ramadan. Studying sacred texts is a great way to deepen connection to God, to your religion, and to learn about your spiritual and religious beliefs. Rereading these texts over and over again allows you to learn something knew each time. Each reading you see something knew, find a new teaching, get a new insight, read from a new perspective. So, the text speaks to you differently each time…God speaks to you differently each time.
3. Take on a practice related to charity or giving for 30 days on a daily basis. We could all use a reminder to be more charitable and giving; Ramadan offers that reminder. Actually giving charity or performing acts of giving time and energy on a regular basis, as in daily for thirty days is a great idea. Again, doing this for 30 or 40 days will make it a habit, will put it into your consciousness so you hardly think about it. Obligatory giving is an interesting concept…to do it because you are supposed to—not because it makes you feel good, because it’s the right thing to do, because you’ve been commanded to do so—not because you are going to get something. Islam also teaches that when you give you get…you will be rewarded. That’s another reason to give. Additionally, Islam teaches that giving deepens your faith in God and your belief that God provides–especially if you give even when you aren’t sure you have enough yourself.
4. Make time for personal introspection, prayer, review of your life, deeds, relationships, etc. This is a wonderful practice. It’s great to do it more than once a year. You can do it on the secular New Year, at the New Moon, on Ramadan, on the Sabbath, every Wednesday…or pick a month any month. Just pick a time and do it…Jews do it for 10 days. Muslims do it for a month, which seems like a long time. If you don’t think you can do it for that long, do it for a weekend. But do it.
5. Fasting if you are physically able. Many people do find this very cleansing on a spiritual level. Focus all your thoughts on spiritual things and not on the physical. Jews do it from sundown to sundown. It’s much easier to do from sunup to sundown like Muslims. Some people allow themselves water. Pick your method. But try it. You might find it quite cleansing and purifying. Many spiritual traditions use this ritual or practice.

I think any of these rituals or practices can be adapted to someone’s existing religious or spiritual tradition. Some of these may exist in your religious tradition already because they are fairly universal, but Islam gives a few of them a unique twist. In any case, we can see how much the Islamic observance of Ramadan (or almost any religious holiday) can teach and offer all of us.

I’m not an Orthodox or observant Jew. I’m a spiritual Jew who tries to be somewhat observant–or, I should say, I used to try to be somewhat observant until secular life got in the way. When my work life and my husband’s work life and my children’s extracurricular activities took over our life, our Jewish life fell by the wayside. We stopped attending Friday night or Saturday services. We stopped going to adult ed classes through our synagogue or Jewish renewal chavurah.

As my husband became less interested in Judaism, which is another story, I also found it hard to make myself go to services and classes alone. I’d always had a partner with whom to do these things. It felt lonely to go by myself.

So, I opted to do what other people–and my husband–were doing. I took my children where they wanted to go or waited around for my children or worked late on Friday evenings. I carted my kids around on Saturdays, or I worked or did chores or ran errands.

We have kept our tradition of having Shabbat dinner every Friday night (almost…if we are home) and lighting candles and saying blessings for the candles, the wine and the challah, but the kavanah (intention) has fallen by the wayside, and we never bookend the Sabbath with Havdallah anymore like we used to do.

Tonight, my son pointed out that the meal I was eating wasn’t kosher. We don’t keep kosher. However, it would have been very easy for me simply to have made one food choice so that my would have been kosher. At that moment, I realized how far removed I have become from my religion.

I also realized the choices I can make every day that will bring me closer to my religion. I can easily (and sometimes not so easily) make large and small choices every day that will increase my Jewish practice, thus making me a better Jew. This also will help strengthen my Jewish identity, bring me closer to God and strengthen my sense of spiritual connection.

So, I ask you: As a Jew, how assimilated into secular culture are you? What choices can you make that would move you just a bit closer to Judaism?

For the last two weeks, however, I have been trying to “do better.” I’ve seen that mezuzzah and touched it and said the Shema. I’ve taken my Ipod with me when I walk, and I’ve listened to spiritual music and prayers. For example, I enjoy listening to Kabblah Kirtan by Yofiyah and doing the kirtan practice with her. I also enjoy listening to Rabbi Shefa Gold’s CDs, and I switch back and forth from one chant to another as I walk and chant along creating my own service, if you will.

This morning I was feeling frustrated and angry for a variety of reasons, one of which was that I would not have time to walk and pray. So, I turned my Ipod on and did morning prayers with Rabbi David Cooper and his wife, Shoshana, as I chanted along to their CD, Songs of Prayer and Silence. I definitely felt better afterwards, and I felt I had managed to fit in a spiritual practice. Maybe I did it at an odd time and in an odd place, but I don’t know why my car can’t become a mishkan, a sacred space, if I make it so.  Indeed, it can and it was.

Spirituality, and spiritual connection to our Source, isn’t necessarily something that has to take a long time or be done at the same time each day. We can fit it into our lives and make it part of our lives simply with the intention to do so and a consciousness that allows us to find the Divine in all sorts of places, actions, relationships, sounds, smells. God is everywhere and in everything. So, making our daily lives into a spiritual practice really shouldn’t be that difficult if we simply turn our attention to God and to all things spiritual.

It may feel like a struggle to find time for your spiritual practice. I may still have days when I feel frustrated that I haven’t had time to light incense and sit and meditate and pray. However, I can have a spirit-filled day if I turn my attention to spirit every minute of that day. God dwells in the moment anyway. I need only be in the moment with God at all moments of the day to have a spiritual practice.

Actually, I have way too many other things going on in my life to worry about the garden. I won’t even be around most of the summer, so I don’t plan on planting anything new. I just wanted the weeds gone and the sprinklers set up.

Besides, last summer the sprinklers went on the fritz without me knowing it and many plants died. Also, the gophers found a lof of other plants extremely tasty and ate them while I wasn’t watching.  That’s what happens when you are too busy to tend to a garden. Gardens need care and attention.

As I was pulling weed after weed and bemoaning the loss of so many beautiful plants, I began thinking about Shavuot. I was asked to teach during the all night learning session at Chadeish Yameinu, my Jewish Renewal community, but I declined. I had been up until 2 a.m. two nights in a row, and they wanted me to teach at 2 a.m. I couldn’t do it. So, I didn’t even attend.

Shavuot marked just one more holiday I have missed, one more Jewish event I have not attended, one more day when I have not been able to focus on my spiritual practice or on my spiritual or religious studies. It marked one more day when I was too busy to pay attention to the garden of my soul.

Like any garden that goes untended, the garden of my soul also has begun to grow weeds and the plants ahve begun to die. I’ve forgotten some of the lessons I once knew, and bad habits, like gophers, have begun to live there and kill off the good habits. This has happened because I’m not paying attention; I’m not focusing on keeping the garden healthy and thriving.

It’s time for me to make time to weed, till, fertilize, plant, water, prune the garden of my soul. It’s time for me to take time — make time — for the spiritual side of my life once again.

For it’s the soul that actually gives us life. Without that, we become like a plant a gopher has eaten. The unseen part – our roots – are gnawed away, and the seen part – our body — withers away and dies.

Yes, it’s time to begin weeding the garden of my soul and then tending to it with love and care. How about you?