I had reason last night to consider this. My family went to see Fiddler on the Roof with Harvey Fierstein. I’ve seen the musical twice before, but this time I was struck by the symbolism the director gave to the fiddler. He became the embodiment of tradition.

Each time Tevye had to decide if he should break from tradition, he faced the fiddler. He would show up playing his instrument, and Tevye would either shoo him away or not. If he sent him away, his decision represented a break from tradition. When he refuses to accept his daughter’s decision to marry out of her faith, he allows the fiddler to stay. Also, at the end of the musical as the family leaves for America–for a new life in a new land, he motions for the fiddler to come along. I’d never realized before that this symbolized his desire to bring the old traditions with him into his new life and into the future.

As I look at my life, I see how many traditions I’ve left behind. While I didn’t grow up with many Jewish traditions, I took quite a few on as an adult. Yet, as my children got older and busier and as my other family members became less interested in religion, like Tevye, I allowed myself to be swayed away from tradition. Unlike Tevye, though, I have not put my foot down and said, “Enough. That far I won’t go. That much I won’t accept.” At some point I allowed the fiddler not only to leave my rooftop but my daily life as well.

I’ve written some articles in my Jewish Issues Examiner column criticizing those who have been unaccepting of the Women of the Wall in Israel, an organization of women who choose to wear tallitot and read Torah at the Western Wall on Rosh Chodesh. While I still wholeheartedly support this group of women and their freedom to worship at theKotel, I can understand to some extend the desire of the Orthodox Jews who harrass them to uphold tradition. They must fear that if they allow the Women of the Wall to worship at the Kotel–if they allow the fiddler to be sent away, the foundation of their lives and their religion might begin to disappear. They must fear that the traditions upon which so much of Judaism and Jewish life are based will start to crumble. And, of course, they need only look around to see that the rest of the Jewish world lives a life distant from the traditional life they lead. Thus, they have reason to believe that letting one tradition go will lead to all traditions disappearing. From their perspective, before long, this will cause the fiddler to fade into the distance.

I can understand. My life is much, much less Jewish without the small traditions I had, the ones I myself choose to uphold in my life since I did not come from any type of observantly Jewish home…and I didn’t uphold anywhere near the number of traditions of Orthodox Jews or those in the fictional Anatevka. I strain t hear the fiddler.

As I walk into the future, I’m not going to a new land or a new way of life. However, like Tevye I will invite the fiddler to come along.  Not only that, I think I’ll draw him close so he walks by my side and I can hear his music loud and clear.

I’m not an Orthodox or observant Jew. I’m a spiritual Jew who tries to be somewhat observant–or, I should say, I used to try to be somewhat observant until secular life got in the way. When my work life and my husband’s work life and my children’s extracurricular activities took over our life, our Jewish life fell by the wayside. We stopped attending Friday night or Saturday services. We stopped going to adult ed classes through our synagogue or Jewish renewal chavurah.

As my husband became less interested in Judaism, which is another story, I also found it hard to make myself go to services and classes alone. I’d always had a partner with whom to do these things. It felt lonely to go by myself.

So, I opted to do what other people–and my husband–were doing. I took my children where they wanted to go or waited around for my children or worked late on Friday evenings. I carted my kids around on Saturdays, or I worked or did chores or ran errands.

We have kept our tradition of having Shabbat dinner every Friday night (almost…if we are home) and lighting candles and saying blessings for the candles, the wine and the challah, but the kavanah (intention) has fallen by the wayside, and we never bookend the Sabbath with Havdallah anymore like we used to do.

Tonight, my son pointed out that the meal I was eating wasn’t kosher. We don’t keep kosher. However, it would have been very easy for me simply to have made one food choice so that my would have been kosher. At that moment, I realized how far removed I have become from my religion.

I also realized the choices I can make every day that will bring me closer to my religion. I can easily (and sometimes not so easily) make large and small choices every day that will increase my Jewish practice, thus making me a better Jew. This also will help strengthen my Jewish identity, bring me closer to God and strengthen my sense of spiritual connection.

So, I ask you: As a Jew, how assimilated into secular culture are you? What choices can you make that would move you just a bit closer to Judaism?