Every day I feel like I”m being pushed to grow bigger than my former self. No one has made me grow; I started the process myself. I wanted to grow. I added the fertilizer and the water. The problem is that now I can’t stop the process. The process has begun, and I no longer have a choice.

Maybe growth is simply a natural process over which we have no say. I’ve heard that said. However, when we have goals and dreams and we take action towards them, sometimes we do, indeed, cause growth to happen.

The other day I stood  in my driveway prior to going for a walk and looked up at the redwood trees that grow all around my house. They towered over me reaching seemingly to the sky. I wondered how tall I could grow. That tall? As tall as those majestic trees? How big or wide? In my backyard there is a redwood tree that is absolutely huge–bigger and wider than most I’ve seen. And it continues to grow.

I had a dream of who I could become. And I took action to make that dream come true. To stop myself from growing into that person, I’d have to stop nurturing my growth, my dream. I’d have to allow myself to wither up and…well…to fail.

Some days, success feels scarier than failure. But failure at this point would disappoint more people than just me.

I’ve watched the redwood trees go through phases at different times of the year. During the drought of late summer, they drop an enormous amount of needles. It’s as if they draw back into themselves and get rid of what they don’t need to conserve energy. They don’t stop growing, though. Like them, at certain times I have to pull inward and drop things–activities–so I can accomplish what I need to do to keep growing, keep moving forward toward my goals.

At other times of the year, such as in the winter, the trees produce fruit, small cones and berries that drop onto my patio and stain it when it rains. I can hear the birds and insects in the trees eating. The redwoods seems to be sharing what they have to offer, giving away the fruit of their work. At times, I do the same, freely and willingly as I reap the benefits of my progress.

Always, though, I am stretching upward, still growing. And I’m trying to allow my roots to grow deeper, keeping me stable, grounding me. Like the redwoods, I’m also hoping to create a circle of friends around me–a cathedral of those that know me, support me, appreciate my growth, my work, my progress, that encircles me. There the sacred giving takes place…

The giving of what we gain as we grow really is the sacred act. And what better place than in a cathedral? Call it a tribe, a circle, a fan group. It really doesn’t matter.

But as the cathedral grows, I’m pushed to continue growing. And I have to ask myself, “How big, how tall, how wide am I willing to grow? How large am I supposed to grow?” I know there is a Greater Plan for me and I’m just following it, fulfilling my purpose. I wonder if I can fulfill than plan, that purpose.

So I continue to water, to fertilize, to push myself to grow.

How about you? How big, tall and wide are you willing to grow?

Sometimes life takes us in unexpected directions. We find ourselves walking paths we didn’t plan. We find ourselves far from home–both physically and spiritually.

Over the last few years, I’ve been led away from my spiritual path by the business of my life. My organized religious life fell away as I focused on my children, my work, my husband’s schedule, and my home. I struggled to keep some semblance of a spiritual practice alive but failed most days.

When it came to my work, I was led astray of my desire to focus on writing and speaking about human potential, personal growth and practical spirituality (often from a Jewish perspective but pertinent to anyone). Instead, I focused on writing and speaking about writing and publishing — which did pay off; I have a traditionally published book coming out in April 2011. However, here I also found myself far from home — from my spiritual center. Previously, I’d been able to join my spiritual and professional path.

If, like me, you find yourself far from home, you have to find your way back or you will continue to feel disconnected from your Source — God and your soul. Two things happened to me recently to help me see the path back home.

First, I attended High Holy Day services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. This allowed me to feel part of my spiritual community and to immerse myself in prayer — in spiritual an religious practice. This reminded me of how much I need this in my life. I came home… Sometimes we have to physically travel home to our religious or spiritual community.

Second, I received several “messages” to return to work on one of my spiritual books. I sold several copies of a short version of the book. My literary agent told me to revamp the book proposal and get it ready for January 2012. And, most recently, I stayed with a woman in New York who happened to have met the man who helped me research the book and who encouraged me to write it.

I suggest that if you feel far from home…removed from your soul and your God…on a path that doesn’t feel in synch with your inner contours…that you find a spiritual community. Then watch and listen for signs of how you can walk a path that allows you to feel a sense of soul purpose or, at least, connection to soul, each and every day in our work or daily activity.

If you can’t find the path, if you don’t know where home is, simply close your eyes and get quiet. Ask for a clear picture or a message. Then listen. Watch. Pay attention.

And remember: You are always home. Your soul is always connected to Source. Source constantly guides you. You are never on the wrong path. Every path leads to the same place. You will always arrive at your destination. Home. Simple allow yourself to see the way — take God’s hand.

“And the word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai, saying: Arise, go to Nineveh, the great city…”

How often in your life have you heard God’s voice? Ever? Once? Many times?

For me…It’s a still small voice…very small…I have to listen hard. I hear it if I pay close attention.

When the whisper, the Still Small Voice, calls your name, do you run, like Jonah? Do you ignore the call? Do you do what you want instead?

Or when God calls upon you and ask you to be a messenger, like Isaiah, do you say, “Here I am, God! Send me. Heinini. Shalchayni.”

Me? Well…I don’t always like what I hear. Sometimes the task I’m given feels hard…too hard. I’m a writer and speaker. I’ve been asked to be a messenger, but sometimes I don’t feel up to the task.

God calls, we don’t always listen. We don’t always step up. Sometimes nothing happens. Things just stay the same…not great, not bad. Sometimes, though, when we don’t listen “bad” things can happen. We have to learn to survive in not-so-nice conditions – in storms, in the stomach of a whale.

Maybe we have to work at a job we hate…or we get fired.

Maybe we end up in a relationship that isn’t healthy…our significant other leaves us alone.

Maybe we end up living in a place that doesn’t suit us, or we’re forced to move.

Maybe we don’t make enough money….or we end up in debt.

Our life feels stormy…it feels darky, slimy, scary.

I’ve known this feeling and wondered whether things might be different had I followed through on that one project—that one I felt so inspired to write. Have you ever wondered if things would be different if you’d followed that inspiration you had? That sense of mission…that Still Small Voice that sounded…well…a bit like…you?

The Kabbalists say the Book of Jonah is the story of our lives life. You are Jonah. I’m Jonah, too.

Why? Because Jonah represents your soul. Your soul comes to earth to take a journey—kind of like a ride on a ship—that has a purpose, a mission—only it’s not supposed to be away from God. It’s supposed to be a journey with two navigators, a Captain and a co-captain moving closer together and toward a destination—the fulfillment of your purpose.

The problem is that we forget that purpose, the destination. When God, the Captain, tries to remind us, we often don’t hear, don’t listen or ignore the message. Or we run away from the job we were given. We stop steering the boat, steer in a different direction or jump ship.

All of these actions result in us traveling away from God…and away from ourselves, from that spark within us that has an agreement with God. This leaves us feeling alone in a strange place and often in a bad situation.

Eventually we must begin to heed the call. To listen…Sh’ma.

We have to remember our purpose, our mission…the journey we initially set out upon. A voice must stir from within…or is it from outside of us? Like Jonah being asked,” What is your occupation?” it asks, “What do you do? What have you done? What have you done with your life? Why are you here? Why were you sent? Do you remember? And did you heed the call? “

Take a moment. Can you hear the Captain calling to you? “Arise!”

Sh’ma….listen. Do you hear God calling? Are you being sent? Are you a messenger? Is that your life’s purpose…or is it something else? Will you go and fulfill it.

Shalchayni. Send me. I’m ready.

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about as a Yom Kippur, Day of Repentance topic. This Jewish High Holy Day typically brings up issues of forgiveness. I didn’t really want to delve into that once again.

Then I watched an Oprah Winfrey Master Class video about surrender, and I knew. That’s my topic: surrender. If ever there were something for a Jew to forgive himself or herself for during the High Holy Days–or for anyone to forgive themselves for any time of the year–its for not surrendering.

More than that, simply commit TO SURRENDER. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do. Seems ironic since it’s actually a passive action. When you surrender you “let go and let God,” as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous. Then amazing things happen. Your path and your purpose are revealed.

In the Master Class video (link below) Oprah talks about jogging and talking to God and singing and praying. This has been my practice–my hitbodedut. Rebbe Nachman told us to walk in the fields and talk to God, to tell hand our problems over to God, to have a conversation with God. To listen to God. I don’t run, but I walk and I cycle. I often talk, plead, pray, chant, sing, ask questions, cry, listen…try to hear or see  the plan God has for me while walking or cycling. This is just what Oprah describes.

And while she focuses on what she wants, she lets go and surrenders. She allows Something Greater to bring her “this or something better… for the highest good of all concerned.” Those are the words are was taught to offer up as I asked for something–a way to surrender my desires to the Universe. And because she is aligned with the energy, sure enough her thoughts, her focus, her intention lines up with her desire and with God’s plan for her.

As always, Oprah just says it all. I couldn’t say it better even if I keep trying.  Her message is the message I take to heart today, for the upcoming High Holy Day, for the year, for my life. I pass it on to you, my friends. Surrender to something larger than yourself. There’s a plan. You have a purpose. Let it unfold.

Watch the video…(I couldn’t find the video anywhere to updload it–sorry–so follow the link).

I’m always amazed that no matter where I go people talk to me about their book ideas. But I shouldn’t be amazed. Part of my purpose here on Earth involves helping people tell their stories, helping them create lives as writers and authors, helping them produce books.

I was at a Jewish renewal conference a week and a half ago…Jeez, has it already been that long since I got back?…and I don’t think a day went by that I didn’t talk to someone about a book they were writing or a book I thought they should write. Inevitably if I said, “I think you should write a book about that,” they responded, “Funny you should mention that…” and continued to tell me about an idea they had for a book.

For years I’ve wanted to write and publish or have published books on human potential, personal growth and practical spirituality from a Jewish perspective (but often pertinent to all people). Two years ago my literary agent asked me to turn my attention to books on writing and publishing. I took her advice. One of the two ideas I gave her was a book about how to blog a book. I’d simply fallen into the idea when I was placed on a panel at a conference by that same name. There were no experts on how to blog a book on the panel, so I became the expert. I started a blog one month before the conference about how to blog a book, and there I blogged a book about how to blog a book–and I finished the core of my book in six months. A few weeks ago I landed my first traditional publishing deal for that very same book and blog, How to Blog a Book.

There was a time when I might have thought this had nothing to do with my purpose. Now, I totally see that it does, and I see that God’s hand was working through  my agent’s wise advice. By helping people learn to blog their books–or write their books in any way shape or form–I help them create their dreams and tell their stories. I fulfill part of my purpose. As I succeed as in this area publishing myself, I can later turn back to those other books I wanted to write with a track record as a writer and an author, and it will be easier for me to succeed and to help people to create other things in their lives.

As life unfolds, your purpose always shines through. Watch. Listen. Pay attention. What do you do almost every day? Like me talking to people about books and stories, I see that this has become a huge part of my life over the last two years…almost more easily than the more spiritual and self-improvement based topics I felt were at the core of my purpose, the things I also feel passion about.

Helping people tell their stories is a holy task. I see that…and I’ll write more about that in my next post. For now, just know that your purpose is shining through. If you don’t see it, ask others around you if they do. It’s surely clear to someone.

I haven’t been writing much lately on this blog…not from lack of desire. It’s because I’ve had my nose to the proverbial grindstone. It’s been a good thing, though.

For quite some time I’ve been complaining that I can’t get anything done. Then two things happened. I needed to get some things done on deadline, and I got inspired to do the work. Amazingly, that was all it took for me to buckle down and really put my mind to it–and my nose to the grindstone. In fact, I combined my sense of purpose, which I had lost, with my passion for my work, and took inspired action.

That’s what it’s all about. That’s how you create things in your life. Come from purpose and passion. Feel inspired to act. Press your nose to the grindstone. The Divine forces will join in to assist you.

I’ve accomplished some amazing things in about two weeks time. You can, too.

It will be about another two weeks until I can back to regular writing. I’ll drop in for some short posts between now and then, if possible. (I’m away next week.) In the meantime, I hope you can try this methodology in your life and see how much you can accomplish in a short period of time.

I was a drum circle last night with a variety of women. As we sat around the “mother drum,” a huge drum big enough for eight of us to use together, we chanted together. Our leader was Jewish and she chose a Jewish chant consisting of one Hebrew word: hineni, “here I am.”

Adam used this word as a response when God called him in the Garden of Eden. Abraham and Moses use it when God calls them as well.

The response seems to imply something more than the typical one given when someone takes attendance, “I am here.”  This means simply, I’m present and accounted for.

When we say Hineni,” we mean, “I am here, and I am ready, willing and able to as God asks.” Basically, I’m ready to do God’s will–or to fulfill my Divine purpose.

Beyond that, there’s a sense of showing up in the world when we say hineni. When we are called by God, we must show up, not like Jonah, the biblical character who runs and hides and ultimately ends up in the belly of a whale, but instead we must come forward and stand tall and proud.

The fact is that those of us who believe in God feel a sense of being called every day–not from without but from within. Thus, we must stand tall and proud and be present at all times. We must show up every day.

Those of us that don’t believe in God may feel called anyway—by our sense of justice or righteousness or simply by what we call our Higher Self or some Higher Power. Maybe we get a sense of intuition, or we believe in our soul in general and the messages we get from our soul.

As I chanted hineni last night I realized I have not being showing up–not really, not totally. I haven’t been fulfilling my purpose. I haven’t been doing what God or my Higher Self has called me to do on the Earth in this lifetime.

What about you? When you say, “Hineni,” how does it make you feel? What does it bring up for you? Are you simply present and accounted for or are you making a difference, living up to your full potential, fulfilling your purpose, and hearing and doing God’s will or the will of your Higher Self, your soul or the best you that you know you can be?