“If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?
And if I am only for myself, then what am I?
And if not now, when?”
~Rabbi Hillel

I went to sleep last night thinking about a friend, not much older than myself, who is facing the last days of his life. I woke today to my 51st birthday. I have possibly half my life still ahead of me.

For quite some time I’ve complained about not achieving the things I want to achieve, not doing the things I want to do, not having the things I want to have in my life. I still have a chance to create them. Others do not.

This reminded me of the three lessons Rabbi Hillel offered on how to live life: be there for yourself, be there for others, and do it now.

Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?” It is up to us to take up our own causes, to believe in ourselves, to make sure we achieve our full human potential and live our lives fully. When we die, we want to be able to say we regret little or nothing and we were our best selves…every day.  Despite friends, family and coworkers, we are our best advocates and supporters. When we decide to make a change or achieve a goal, we do it. We do it for ourselves.We must be there for ourselves.

I look back over the last year. I felt so pushed to accomplish something when I hit the BIG 50. And here I am at 51 with little to show for the last year. I’ve been waiting…for others to be for me. It’s time for me to be for me.

Rabbi Hillel said, “And if I am only for myself, then what am I?” In our attempt to achieve something in this lifetime, we must focus on something other than ourselves. The greatest gift we can give is to give to others, to find our purpose and to fulfill it in the service of others. That doesn’t mean not earning money in return for giving. It doesn’t mean giving until you are empty. It simply means being willing to give. God created us as receivers of all the goodness He/She had to give. However, we eliminate the separation between Giver and receiver by becoming like God and giving as well. When we do this, we tap into the flow of abundance in the universe–which allows us to continue giving.

I know I have a purpose. I know there is more to my life–in the past and in the future–than being only for myself. I can be more than that. I am more than that. I will become more than that. I will be there for others in my actions, through my work, in my thoughts and prayers.

“If not now, when?” asks Hillel. Ah, the important question. Apply it to anything. When will I do what I said I would do? When will I finish reading the books I’ve started? When will I change my habits? When will I improve my relationships? When will I earn more money? When will I take time for me? When will I spend more time with my kids? When will I relax? When will I find joy? When will I create a friend? When will I pursue my dreams?

Kevin Eikenberry asks this question in his recent blog post.

We can wait. But it’s a risk. Like my friend, we could discover we have only six weeks or six months left to live. Then we might die realizing we lived only for ourselves. In the process, maybe no one will be for us…and we will be alone. There may be no “when” to consider. Now may be a short-term endeavor.

Now becomes the answer…the only answer. Everything goes on the to-do list not to be forgotten. Well, maybe everything can’t be done now, but we can each take out our calendar and place the important things on it–even free time for ourselves. We should. We must.

Will you do it…whatever it is…now? I’m starting today. I’ll stop complaining. (That doesn’t help, but rather hinder, anyway.) I’ll start doing. I’ll start living fully in whatever way I can.

I ‘ll be for me. I’ll be for others. I’ll do it now.

Rabbi Hillel may have lived a long time ago, but his lessons are still applicable today–and to anyone from any religion. We see his words quoted by many. Put them to use in your life today, as will in mine.

In a recent blog post, best-selling author and marketing expert made this statement:”No one is going to pick you. Pick yourself.”

He was talking about the fact that authors and musicians are making millions without so-called “gatekeepers.”  They aren’t waiting any longer for publishers and record companies–the “pickers”– to offer contracts. They are picking themselves and producing books and CDs on their own.

Godin stressed that most of us want to get picked; it’s inherent to our human nature. He added that once you reject the impulse to be picked “and realize that no one is going to select you–that Prince Charming has chosen another house–then you can actually get to work.”

He goes on to say, “Once you understand there are problems just waiting to be solved, once you realize that you have all the tools and all the permission you need, then opportunities to contribute abound.”

I don’t know about you, but for me these word really hit home. I can see how I’ve been waiting around for someone to give me permission to move forward, in particular with my books.

I’ve self-published short books and kept them on my website only. Yet, these are short versions of what were to be full-length books. I wrote them instead of the full-length versions while I was waiting to be picked so I could sell them at the back of the room when I went to speak and build platform–to help me get picked. I was waiting for permission from the pickers to write the full-length versions.

I approach my blogs differently, though, writing about my topics with passion and total self-permission. And there, I’ve already been picked. I have readers–you. Hopefully, you would read my books, too, if only I’d give myself permission to write them and self-publish them. If only I’d stop waiting for permission from a picker.

With my blogs, daily and weekly I solve problems, I use the tools I have, I don’t ask or wait for permission, and I contribute.

Are you ready to get to work? What problems would you like to solve? What tools do you have to offer? Are you waiting for permission to move forward, to take action, to do what you want to do or to fulfill your purpose, achieve your dreams, create change, or contribute in some way?

Just a few days prior to reading Godin’s blog post I came across some notes I’d jotted down during a session with a coach about a year and a half ago. She’d told me  I needed to work with the affirmation ” I am in charge of the delivery of my life.”  Between Godin’s message and this affirmation I could see the need to take control of my own destiny.

What about you? Are you ready to be in charge of the delivery of your life, of how your life unfolds day by day, or are you going to wait for others to give you permission to do what you want to do, to create what you want to create?

Are you going to wait for someone to pick you–a boss, an agent, a man, a woman, a friend, a publisher–or are you going to do the picking? Do you believe in yourself enough to do so?

Don’t wait to be picked. Pick yourself.

We all do a lot of complaining about what we don’t have, don’t like, haven’t achieved,wish were different, and believe someone or something has done to us. How often do you really get honest with yourselves and admit your part in actually creating these situations? How often do you take responsibility for your actions or inactions, attitudes, thoughts, abilities, etc., that contribute to the very things about which you complain?

If you are like most people–even like me, not often or not often enough.

This became clear to me recently. My husband and I decided to do some major work on our marriage. In the process, I had to get honest about my part in the problems we experience in our relationship. I had to take responsibility for how I contribute to creating the situations I dislike in our marriage–even his behaviors. Ouch.

On a conscious level, I’ve known some of this. I just wouldn’t fess up…even to myself.

I can also look at my work situation. I spend a good bit of my time inspiring other people to achieve results. Yet, I don’t always achieve results. I have a lot of excuses. I complain a lot about why I don’t get what I want in my career. If my clients or blog readers said the same things, I would say they were just offering up excuses and make them accountable for achieving results. If I’m honest with myself, I have to take responsibility and realize I have only myself to blame for not taking action and changing my work situation.

What about you? Are you honest with yourself. Do you want to be honest with yourself? Can you look at different areas of your life and take responsibility for the fact that you are at least in part creating the things you don’t have, don’t like, haven’t achieved, wish were different, or believe someone or something has done to you? Can you at least admit you could do something about changing these situations?

It’s time to stop complaining and take responsibility. Then take action and create change.

Okay, so, I have to admit it. The other day someone told me I am a procrastinator.

And I had to admit that he was right.

We procrastinate for many reasons. Fear. Laziness. Self-worth issues. Lack of passion.

What about you? Are you procrastinating? Why aren’t you doing what you say you want to do? What are you waiting for?

No more waiting for me. I’m done.

So, I thought it quite fitting when I read Seth Godin’s blog post yesterday. He quoted Martin Luther King, Jr., since it was the anniversary of his birth. Martin Luther King, Jr., said about a half a lifetime ago:

“We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood — it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, ‘Too late.’”

Are you going to wait until it’s too late? I’m not.

Godin wrote: “The world isn’t fair, and most people don’t get all the chances they deserve. There are barriers due to income, to race, to social standing and to education, and they are inexcusable and must fall. But the check remains, now more than ever. The opportunity to step up and to fail (and then to fail again, and to fail again) and to continue failing until we succeed is greater now than it has ever been.”

So, don’t let anything get in your way–not even the fear of failure. Don’t wait any more. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Do whatever it is you want to do. Do it now.

Do you feel like you have lost your mojo? Do you no longer have that special something that makes you glow, feel electric, energized, happy, turned on, and in the flow? Is your magic gone?

I’ve been feeling like that for a while now.

As I spoke to a friend she mentioned that she thought some things in her life had gone awry because she had become unhappy. She had stopped doing the things that made her happy and that turned her on–that gave her her mojo. She had changed because of the person with whom she lived and because of her situation. The something bad happened. That event was forcing her to change, to become her best self again. It was helping her assess how to regain her mojo.

I realized I needed to do the same. I have stopped doing much of the things I love and focusing my time and energy on the things that energize me and make me happy. I have moved away from the me that is my best self, the true me…the magic me, the me with the mojo.

I can get my mojo back. I can focus on those things that I feel are my purpose here in this lifetime. I can put energy into the things about which I feel passionate. I can take time to do the things I love. Little by little, my mojo will return.

Sometimes I think about the people in the Old Testament, or Torah, who had a lot of mojo. Moses had mojo. Miriam had mojo. Joseph had mojo. Who do you know today who has mojo?

What about you? Will you take the steps necessary to return to your true self? If you do, your mojo will return as well.

Today I read a story (and wrote one) about a group of Amish people who went to Israel to seek forgiveness for their ancestors doing nothing to help the Jews during the Holocaust. They also told the Rabbi of the Western Wall that from this time forward they would support the Jews. While all of this required great strength of character–they took responsibility for past actions, asked forgiveness, stood up for the oppressed, the fact that these members of the Amish community traveled from the United States and Switzerland to pay a visit to the Western Wall took them totally out of their comfort zone.

The Amish, a sect of the Mennonite Church that largely rejects modern technology, do not normally use contemporary forms of transportation, such as airplanes and cars, necessary to make the journey to the Holy Land. When they do use such forms of transportation, they must employ a driver. They are not allowed to drive the vehicles themselves. At home in their own communities, the Amish typically use a horse and buggy for transportation.

How often do you do any of these things? Do you ever move out of your comfort zone? Do you ever stand up for what you believe? Do you align yourself with those who are oppressed?

If you want to achieve your goals, reach your potential, become your best self, you have to step out of your comfort zone. Use the Amish as an example.

Last year I ran a series of 10 posts during the High Holy Days to help people with the t’shuvah process, the process of returning to their best selves. I have compiled those posts into an ebook called 10 Days and 10 Ways to Return to Your Best Self, A T’Shuvah Guide, that is now available on my website for the low cost of $7.

The 10 days between Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance, are called the High Holy Days or the Days of Awe. They are a time for Jews–or anyone–to go inward and consider how to “do t’shuvah,” to turn back to God and to their best self.

This e-book provides 10-days of exercises to help you go through this introspective process. It gives structure to the Days of Awe so you can truly consider not only your sins and how to rectify them but how to achieve your full human potential.

Use this human potential tool that crosses religious lines to return to your best self–and to source–in just 10 awesome days. It’s a great tool for Jews, but, like most of the products I create, it’s applicable for anyone.

If you would like to order a copy of 10 Days and 10 Days to Return to Your Best Self, A T’Shuvah Guide, please click here. Please be patient if your e-book doesn’t show up immediately. I am handling fulfillment personally at this point. It is not an automated process  but a human one. Forgive me!



From the beginning of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, until the end of Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentence, Jews have 10 days to return or turn back–t’shuvah–to their best selves. How do you do this? Here’s an excerpt from my workbook, Get Ready, Aim, Shoot, and Hit Your Bull’s Eye This Year that will help.

To begin the process of t’shuvah answer the following questions. As you answer them, you will be developing your focus for the coming year and improving your aim.

1. Look back over the past 12 months.  How did you live, play, work, love, and behave? In general, what would you have changed about how you lived your life last year?
2. How could you have been a better you last year?
3. What would you like to do more of this year
4. What would you like to do less of this year?
5. How can you live your life fully this year?
6. What can you  do to reach your fullest potential this year?

Next, write down at least three new goals – targets you want to hit – for this New Year

For each goal, list three things you can do to help move you closer to achieving that goal.  These might be specific actions you can take or habits you can form that will bring you closer hitting that bull’s eye – accomplishing your goal.

Finally, write an intention statement to go with each of your goals. Make the statement quantifiable. For example, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds in the next 12 months you might write, “I intend to be fit, trim, and 10 pounds lighter by this time next year.”

To order this workbook, click here.

Over the last two weeks I’ve spent a lot of time with my daughter preparing her for college  and helping her deal with leaving behind a boyfriend she cares about deeply. These two teens maturely choose to end the relationship to allow each other freedom while they live on opposite coasts and experience life in college. I’ve also been helping my son figure out where he will continue his dance training this year, and I’ve been listening to his pain over a summer relationship that ended in much the same way as my daughter’s only his girlfriend has very quickly moved on to a new boyfriend.

In the midst of this, I’m struggling to acclimate myself into my own life and marriage after almost two months way with my son. I’m also attempting to find meaning and purpose in all that I do as I find that I have lost myself and much of what has made me feel passionate and happy over the years.

Midlife crisis? Maybe. Possibly just a reality check.

The emptiness I have been feeling was driven home as I watched my children so filled with emotion–sadness, fear, excitement, sorrow. They are leaving things behind and staring anew. They have their lives stretched ahead of them. They are growing and changing. So much awaits them.

As I cried with them, felt their pain and sorrow, trembled at their fear, I realized their emotions resonated so much with me because I wanted to feel as passionately…about anything….about something…about someone.

I haven’t read or seen Eat, Love, Pray, but I recently saw the movie trailer. I cried my way through that, too. I realized I must go at least see the movie. (I won’t give myself the task of buying another book I have no time to read…) I am that woman…well, maybe not in all ways, but in many. No wonder the book was such a big hit; how many women related to the story?

This week I got out my Tony Robbins 30-day tape series once again. I’ve never once finished it. I only completed one tape this week, but I’ll plug away at it and allow him to try and motivate me to change. On that first day, I swore I’d exercise more; I only managed one day. I will do two next week at least, and even one day is better than none. I promised myself I’d write more often (on my books), and I didn’t manage to do so even once…but I will! I will.I started reading Byron Katie’s Loving What Is, which has been on my shelf for years. Maybe her questions will help me stop struggling. I also put one of the spiritual books I started a while ago on my nightstand…

The Jewish High Holy Days are fast approaching. This is a good time for introspection and considering how to improve oneself and one’s life as well. The energy of change is in the air in the autumn. It’s time to turn over a new life and to turn back–to return–to your true self, your best self. That’s what I need. I’ve almost forgotten who she is.

I may not follow through with all of these new “programs”; of course, I have too many and not enough time for them all. Maybe one of them will inspire me…or even two. Maybe something will stick and help me create some change or spark a bit of passion within.

Change comes little by little. It’s a process. But when we realize it’s time to make a change, we must follow the call. We must DO something to help it along, to fan the fire so it doesn’t smolder and go out.

I see the changes in my children’s lives–even the painful ones. I’m willing to even feel pain, but change must come. And change always begins within. The time has come.

Has it come for you?

I once participated in a ropes course where I was asked to climb tall poles, walk across a wire strung between two tall trees (another narrow bridge…), and repel down a cliff.  I had always thought myself afraid of heights, so performing these feats seemed unimaginable to me.  However, I did almost all of them.

Slowly, slowly I made my way to the top of the pole, the first exercise, and then navigated my way onto a little metal platform where I then stood like the ornament on a totem pole.  I remember the fear I felt as I climbed and the terror I felt when trying to get my feet onto that platform and then raise my body to a standing position.  Once I was standing there so high above the ground, however, I discovered that I really was not that afraid of heights.  In fact, being up there was an exhilarating experience.  Not only had I overcome my fear of heights, I felt great that I had accomplished the climb – which is not to say that it wasn’t still scary standing there atop that pole but the fear felt less like fear and more like awe.  I was in awe of myself and in awe of the experience itself.

I could have given in to my fear and never even tried to climb the pole.  I could have stood there and trembled.  I could have been too scared to come down. Instead I choose to climb despite my fear and to look upon the experience with awe and a sense of tremendous accomplishment.

Ropes courses are all about learning how you react to life on a daily basis.  While we don’t usually have to climb a tall pole in our normal life, we are often faced with obstacles or situations that bring up our feelings of fear.  In these situations, we have the same choices – climb or don’t climb, feel fear or feel awe, feel defeated or feel determined to accomplish the goal.

Life is all about choices. Every time we face a situation, any situation, we have a choice of how to respond.  That response can be a negative feeling one or a positive feeling one, and we have the ability to choose which one we want.

What choices are you making each day and in each situation?

For more information on how to move through fear, click here.