2012. The world was supposed to end, some said. (We knew better.) But things were supposed to change–the energy was supposed to change, at least.  A whole week has gone by. We are being flooded now with the light of the first full moon of this pivotal year, which is supposed to affect our consciousness on every level. Something is supposed to be changing. Or it should be getting easier to create change, right?

I wrote my vision and my goals. I created a vision map or board. I set out with good intentions. Nothing. Same ol’, same ol’.

I could blame it on the fact that my daughter is here visiting. That clients called. I had things that got in the way..projects, the need to learn to podcast, interviews to conduct, old work to get handled and out of the way, bills to pay, shopping to do, emails to answer, social media to attend to, etc., etc., etc.

It felt l like 2012 came in with a rush, driving me forward at breakneck speed. That’s how 2011 went out. Why would the new year be any different? I don’t seem to have brakes on this car I’m in. I’m not sure I’m driving. I’m trying to get control.

Here’s the fact: In the first eight days of 2012, I  didn’t keep to the schedule I set as part of my plan. I didn’t do even one of the things I said I would do. Well…I take that back. I did do one thing. I took a bit of time off to spend with my daughter. I relaxed with family. That is on my vision map and in my goals–to find balance in my life between work and personal.

Yay! I made one change. I made it consciously.

Changing habits can prove difficult. Yet, to achieve some new degree of success we must change our old habits. They’ve only gotten us the degree of success we enjoy right now.

Anything can get in the way and become an excuse. For me, getting up early to complete my client work first is a new goal, a new habit, I’d like to form. It’s easy to say I went to bed too late and simply not get up early. It’s easy to answer the phone when it rings during that time period, or to schedule an activity anyway (like walking with a friend, since that’s a goal, too), and to say that’s why I couldn’t meet my goal, make the change, create a new habit.

I find myself saying all too often I just don’t have the time to change, the energy to change. I’ll do it tomorrow or next week.

Well, a week has gone by of this new year…this year that everyone said would be one of such awesome change…when we could affect change in ways heretofore not possible. I, for one, have not found this year much different. It still remains up to me to make the change. (I hear the refrain of some song…I can’t quite put my finger on it…)

Ah, well…the Kabbalists must right. We are simply in transition. We have a long way to go before the predicted time of peace on Earth or the World to Come. (They say not until the year 6,000 on the Hebrew calendar.) Actually, many other people also say we are simply in a time of transition. And it’s likely our consciousness is changing. We can affect change and do so faster, more effectively if we do it in a conscious and focused manner. We don’t need a new year, a new era, a new anything for that.

The trick is to put that lesson–an old one really (and no “secret” either) to use now to create the desired change. For me, I’m starting small–in my life, with my habits. This helps me achieve what I need to achieve and then has a ripple affect, allowing me to affect others through my work.

I’ll go back and focus again on my vision, my goals, my vision board. I’ll work every day to keep on track, making those little changes that end up in new habits formed. By year’s end, I may have achieved a new level of success based upon those new habits.

What about you? How’s it going after the first week of the New Year? Does the energy of 2012 seem to be supporting you? Is change happening in your life or around you?

Have you ever thought about why you are who you are right now, and how you will create who you will be in the future?

When I ask most people what makes them who they are right now, they respond, “My past experiences. My education. My environment. My genetics.” These are things that either happened in the past or that you were born with–things you carry with you from the past into the future.

And when it comes to the experiences you had, you made decisions about those experiences that you also take forward with you. In fact, you project them forward into the future. You expect those decisions–those thoughts–to continue being true.  Thoughts like:

• I’m not good enough.
• People don’t like me.
• I should have been a boy (or a girl).
• Men (or women) leave me.
• I never have enough money.
• I’m not worthy of earning more money.
• I make bad decisions.
• I’m unlovable.
• I’m ugly.
• I’m stupid.

With these thoughts projected out into the future–with you expecting them to be true tomorrow, the next day, next week, a month from now–you perpetuate yourself being that same person you believe yourself to be in the future. You recreate the same experiences over and over again, proving to yourself over and over again that you are, indeed, this person.

When you stop expecting to find yourself in that same situation over and over again–expecting to find poof that you are that person, you will stop having those experiences. For this to happen, you have to leave all of these experiences and decisions in the past. Stop bringing them with you into the future.

I learned all of this long ago when I was doing a variety of self-help, personal growth and human potential workshops and seminars, like the Loving Relationships Training. It can be hard to remember these lessons though, when you aren’t around other like-minded people who also know these principles. The other day a colleague invited me to a preview of the Landmark Forum workshops. There I was reminded of this idea.

It made me stop and consider what decisions I made because of past negative events or experiences that I place in my future and then create that same unwanted outcome. If I can become aware of the experience and the thought, or the decision I made about myself, I can then affect my future outcomes, I can begin changing them. If, for example, I believe I am unworthy of earning more than $50,000 per year because I’ve never been paid more than that before and I’ve had many experiences where I was told I would not be paid what I thought I should be paid based on my experience or worth, I can change that thought, that expectation. And I can expect to earn $100,000 per year or more.

By being conscious of the decision made in the past about myself, I can affect my future and change who I become. I can become someone who earns more money.

Byron Katie, an author, says we should always ask if we really know something is true. I would have to ask myself if I really knew it was true that I was unworthy of getting paid more. If I can’t answer, “Yes, it’s true,” then it must be true that I am worthy of getting paid more. So I have to ask myself if this is true. Can I answer yes to that question?

Can you think of a decision you made in your past that is affecting who you are now? Do you know if the decision is based on truth? Can you change your mind so you can affect your future positively?

I’ve been working really hard lately to change my negative thoughts into positive ones in a variety of areas in my life. I’m a firm believer in the creative nature of our thoughts and words.

Sometimes, however, I need inspiration as well–I need to be reminded that I need to keep persevering even when something feels difficult, when I’m experiencing rejected, when I feel alone, or when I perceive obstacles getting in my way. So, I thought I’d look for a video to inspire me that I could also post here to inspire others who might feel some area of their life was getting them down.

If you feel like something has happened in your life that has caused you to fall and it’s become difficult to get up and, therefore, to achieve your goal, watch this video.

Then get up. You can do it. And try again. You can do that to. You can achieve any goal if you set your mind to it. If this guy can do the things he does, you can, too.

Each year during the Passover holiday Jews tell the story of how the Pharaoh in Egypt enslaved the Israelites. Sometimes we talk about what modern day pharaohs exist in the world. I, however, think most of  us live with personal pharaohs every day–those in our minds.

I know I struggle with the chains put on me by the pharaoh who rules my thoughts. Well, he does not rule all my thoughts, but he does rule my negative thoughts, the ones that hold me back and don’t allow me to achieve my goals or create the things I desire. In this way he keeps me shackled, stuck in one spot.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer the other day and he spoke about how we often have the desire–the thought–that we want to be rich but the opposing thought that we will always be poor (or don’t have the ability to become rich). He said this state of mind equates to insanity. I say it equates to slavery. The part that wants to become rich is shackled by the part that believes it can’t achieve this goal.

Each negative thought that exists in opposition to your positive thought serves as just one more chain that keeps you enslaved to those negative belief patterns. And so you stay stuck right where you are or have been–achieving the same results as before.

How do you free yourself from this bondage? How do you achieve liberation from the pharaoh in your mind?

You become conscious of your unconscious negative thoughts.

Here are a few things to try (and believe me I’m trying them, too)  to help you become conscious of your unconscious thoughts:

1. Catch yourself thinking and saying things that negate what you truly desire.
2. Write down your positive thought in one column of a piece of paper and then write down the first negative thought that comes up in your mind in a second column. Do this until you run out of negative thoughts in your “response” column.
3. Ask a friend or loved one to tell you when they hear you saying something that negates your desires.
4. Spend time journaling about why you think you don’t achieve your desires.
5. Explore any issues of deservability or self-worth with a counselor or coach.
6. Make affirmations of action; rather than saying or writing positive things, actually do things that convince your mind that you are what you say you are.
7. When you say something that negates your positive thought qualify it with the words “until recently” or something like this that nullifies the negativity of the statement.
8. Try talking to your subconscious mind as if is not “sub”-conscious; treat it as if you want it to “come out of the closet” and be known. Talk to it and ask it to talk back to you. Allow those thoughts to come up in meditation or in your journal.
9. In a journal, ask the part of you that feels negative (about becoming wealthy, getting a new job or finding a perfect mate–or whatever) to tell you why it feels that way. Then try to stay aware of this part of yourself when it’s “energy” arises and turns negative at any given point during the day. In Voice dialogue, a therapeutic process developed by Hal Stone and Sidra Winkleman, this is called developing an “aware ego.” The part of you that functions as”you” most of the time becomes aware of the other parts of you that impact how you behave or react–or think.  We all have many parts of our “selves”–an Inner Child, an Inner Parent, an Inner Critic, etc.–and they can become our pharoahs controlling how we behave. Becoming aware of them allows us to free ourselves of their influence over our thoughts (and our behavior).

I suggest you try freeing yourself from the tyranny of your negative thoughts. It doesn’t have to be Passover for you to do this–and you definitely don’t have to be Jewish. We all become enslaved by our negative thoughts to some degree. I hope some of these tips help you find freedom in some way.

“If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?
And if I am only for myself, then what am I?
And if not now, when?”
~Rabbi Hillel

I went to sleep last night thinking about a friend, not much older than myself, who is facing the last days of his life. I woke today to my 51st birthday. I have possibly half my life still ahead of me.

For quite some time I’ve complained about not achieving the things I want to achieve, not doing the things I want to do, not having the things I want to have in my life. I still have a chance to create them. Others do not.

This reminded me of the three lessons Rabbi Hillel offered on how to live life: be there for yourself, be there for others, and do it now.

Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?” It is up to us to take up our own causes, to believe in ourselves, to make sure we achieve our full human potential and live our lives fully. When we die, we want to be able to say we regret little or nothing and we were our best selves…every day.  Despite friends, family and coworkers, we are our best advocates and supporters. When we decide to make a change or achieve a goal, we do it. We do it for ourselves.We must be there for ourselves.

I look back over the last year. I felt so pushed to accomplish something when I hit the BIG 50. And here I am at 51 with little to show for the last year. I’ve been waiting…for others to be for me. It’s time for me to be for me.

Rabbi Hillel said, “And if I am only for myself, then what am I?” In our attempt to achieve something in this lifetime, we must focus on something other than ourselves. The greatest gift we can give is to give to others, to find our purpose and to fulfill it in the service of others. That doesn’t mean not earning money in return for giving. It doesn’t mean giving until you are empty. It simply means being willing to give. God created us as receivers of all the goodness He/She had to give. However, we eliminate the separation between Giver and receiver by becoming like God and giving as well. When we do this, we tap into the flow of abundance in the universe–which allows us to continue giving.

I know I have a purpose. I know there is more to my life–in the past and in the future–than being only for myself. I can be more than that. I am more than that. I will become more than that. I will be there for others in my actions, through my work, in my thoughts and prayers.

“If not now, when?” asks Hillel. Ah, the important question. Apply it to anything. When will I do what I said I would do? When will I finish reading the books I’ve started? When will I change my habits? When will I improve my relationships? When will I earn more money? When will I take time for me? When will I spend more time with my kids? When will I relax? When will I find joy? When will I create a friend? When will I pursue my dreams?

Kevin Eikenberry asks this question in his recent blog post.

We can wait. But it’s a risk. Like my friend, we could discover we have only six weeks or six months left to live. Then we might die realizing we lived only for ourselves. In the process, maybe no one will be for us…and we will be alone. There may be no “when” to consider. Now may be a short-term endeavor.

Now becomes the answer…the only answer. Everything goes on the to-do list not to be forgotten. Well, maybe everything can’t be done now, but we can each take out our calendar and place the important things on it–even free time for ourselves. We should. We must.

Will you do it…whatever it is…now? I’m starting today. I’ll stop complaining. (That doesn’t help, but rather hinder, anyway.) I’ll start doing. I’ll start living fully in whatever way I can.

I ‘ll be for me. I’ll be for others. I’ll do it now.

Rabbi Hillel may have lived a long time ago, but his lessons are still applicable today–and to anyone from any religion. We see his words quoted by many. Put them to use in your life today, as will in mine.

It’s almost Passover, and for me this always makes me feel squeezed. Actually, it just makes me more aware of the areas of my life that give me that sense of the walls closing in or getting tight. You don’t have to be Jewish to understand this even though Passover is a Jewish holiday.

Passover commemorates the biblical story of the Israelite’s exodus from Egypt and their passage through the Red Sea. Each Passover Jews retell this story at a seder and ask a variety of questions about the story in an attempt to recall the meaning of the events and make it feel as if they are reliving them as well. One question often asked is “What narrow places are you experiencing right now?” This relates to the Israelites passage out of Egypt, which is seen as a passage through a “narrow place.” The Hebrew word for Egypt is Mitzrayim, which often is translated as “narrow place.” Also, the Israelites passage to freedom and nationhood through the Red Sea, whose waters part to allow them to escape the pursuing Egyptians, is seen as moving through a narrow place almost like the birth canal.

So, with Passover just over two weeks away, I feel the squeeze beginning. Much like contractions or birth pains, I’m aware of the areas of my life where I am being forced to move through the narrow space, the birth canal. In one or two areas, this year I feel a bit like I’m a breech baby–stuck, unable or unwilling to be born.

Yet, I know no one is going to come along and pull or cut me out. Nor will the waters part or get wider without me making that happen. It’s up to me to allow the contractions to turn me and push me out into the life I want. It’s up to me to create the changes that will cause the waters to part and allow me to move through to my goals(s).

Or I can endure the pain of staying where I am. Contraction after contraction. Hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month.

The choice is mine: remain where I am or travel. I can allow myself to move through the narrow place, the birth canal, and be born. I can allow myself, like the Israelites, to experience freedom, to have a new life, simply by allowing the narrow place to push me forward.

So, what about you? Do you know where your narrow places are? Do you feel the squeeze? Will you continue feeling squeezed, or will you find a way to pass through the narrow place to freedom?

With the New Year fast approaching, it’s time to consider the projects you didn’t finish in 2010 and make them a priority for 2011.What projects have remained on your to-do list all year long, part of the year, or even just this past month? It’s time to make them top priority. Consider them your “big rocks.”

Not long ago I asked someone I know how she managed to get so much done each day. She responded, “I always move the big rocks first.”

What are your big rocks for 2011? Make a list of the projects that are most important to you.

Now make a commitment to yourself that each day these will be #1 and #2 on your to-do list. If you move those rocks before you move the stones and the pebbles, you’ll find you’ve accomplished your big goals early in the New Year. You won’t be too tired from moving around all those little stones and pebbles all day to tackle the big rocks. In fact, moving the big rocks even a little bit each day will help you build muscle and feel more energized. That will help you develop the strength and endurance to meet your goals and complete your projects.

I know that my big rocks typically end up at the top of my to-do list, but I handle the pebbles and stones first. I never get time to move the big rocks. It’s a huge mistake. My important projects remain untouched because I want to get the stones and pebbles out of the way. By clearing a path, though, I never get to the big rocks. They keep piling up into a huge wall I feel I can’t climb.

After I spoke to this woman, I went outside to a place I had seen a large oval rock. I cleaned it off and brought it into the house and placed it on my desk right in front of my computer. It’s a reminder to move my big rocks first every day.

What will you do to remind yourself to move your big rocks in 2011? Or do you have some great strategies for moving them you want to share? I’d love to hear them.

From the beginning of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, until the end of Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentence, Jews have 10 days to return or turn back–t’shuvah–to their best selves. How do you do this? Here’s an excerpt from my workbook, Get Ready, Aim, Shoot, and Hit Your Bull’s Eye This Year that will help.

To begin the process of t’shuvah answer the following questions. As you answer them, you will be developing your focus for the coming year and improving your aim.

1. Look back over the past 12 months.  How did you live, play, work, love, and behave? In general, what would you have changed about how you lived your life last year?
2. How could you have been a better you last year?
3. What would you like to do more of this year
4. What would you like to do less of this year?
5. How can you live your life fully this year?
6. What can you  do to reach your fullest potential this year?

Next, write down at least three new goals – targets you want to hit – for this New Year

For each goal, list three things you can do to help move you closer to achieving that goal.  These might be specific actions you can take or habits you can form that will bring you closer hitting that bull’s eye – accomplishing your goal.

Finally, write an intention statement to go with each of your goals. Make the statement quantifiable. For example, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds in the next 12 months you might write, “I intend to be fit, trim, and 10 pounds lighter by this time next year.”

To order this workbook, click here.

Recently my mother had to put her dog to sleep. This week she was offered a new dog, but she turned down the opportunity. She said she wasn’t sure she wanted a new dog. “I’m too old,” she reasoned. “I may not be able to handle another dog.”

Her perception of being “too old” totally affects her results in the world. If she saw her self as young enough–and willing enough–to take on a new dog, then she would find that, indeed, she could handle a new dog. (In fact, it would give her a reason to get up each morning, give her joy and probably make her feel younger and increase her life span.)

How do your perceptions about yourself affect your results in the world? Do you feel you aren’t good enough to accomplish your goals? Do you not feel pretty enough to catch a guy? Do you feel your body isn’t as fit or flexible as it needs to be to do the things you want to do? Do you think you aren’t smart enough to learn something new or participate in conversations with those people you find most interesting?

To a huge extent, our thoughts control our results in life. Even some of the Jewish sages of old knew this. For instance, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov taught, “You are wherever your thoughts are. Make sure your thoughts are where you want to be.”

The moral: Don’t focus your thoughts on the things that hold you back or stop you from achieving the results you desire. Focus your thoughts instead on things that help you achieve your goals. Focus on the fact that you are still vibrant, strong and alive, smart and quick thinking, able to move freely, attractive and beautiful in heart, mind and body, clear headed and willing to learn, etc. These thoughts will help you get where you want to go in life no matter your age.

How often do you leave your home and go somewhere else to live for any period of time? For the second time in two years, my son and I are going off to live in New York City for seven weeks this summer. This reminds me of the Torah portion we read called Lech Lecha, where God first calls to Avram, not yet Abraham, telling him to “go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you” [Genesis 12:1]. Granted, we are not going forth to a new land. And God technically is not calling us forth. Yet, like the words of the Torah portion, my son is called forth to new lands to pursue his soul’s purpose and become a blessing in this lifetime.

My son has made the decision again to go to New York based upon what I believe is his soul’s purpose. (I am accompanying him as his chaperon.) He will be attending a summer ballet intensive. He is a dancer. By pursuing his dream of becoming a dancer, by leaving his home and going to this other place, he hopes to become “a blessing” in the form of a professional dancer who brings beauty and joy to those who watch him dance. In the process, he also will fulfill his soul’s purpose and bring joy and fulfillment to himself.

How many of us “go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you” to that we can become “a blessing”?  How many of us give things up to pursue the things that allow us to fulfill our soul’s purpose?

My son has chosen not to participate in other well-loved activities. He has lost friends. He has endured ridicule.

Would you like to be a blessing? Would you like to fulfill your soul’s purpose? What are you willing to do to achieve these goals? What are you willing to give up or leave behind? Have you ever noticed if God placed before you a land to explore? And if he did, would you enter it?