People come into our lives in all sorts of ways. Some are born into our lives. We are born into the lives of others, thus they become part of our lives. And some walk into our lives due to the places we go and and the experiences we have. In all cases, we have to learn not only to hold on to those people we love tightly but to loosen our grip and to let go…to let them go, if necessary.

I learned this lesson just this week as I let my son go off to New York City. It was not his time to leave home in the traditional sense. He was entering his senior year of high school. He should have been home with me for another year. Yet, it was his time to go…He received a wonderful opportunity to pursue his dance education that he could not pass up, not would I want him to pass it up.

And so, even though it was hard, I just had to let go. I had to let him go.

Was it easy? No. In fact, I spent the last two days at home alone crying on and off. I will miss him…and his senior year. But I’ll survive and he will likely thrive. Maybe I’ll thrive, too.

Often we have relationships that aren’t good for us, yet we cling to them. Or we have relationships that aren’t growing and we know we should allow the other person (or ourselves) to grow. We just have to let go.

When our children go off to college, we have to just let go. That’s hard, too. I’ve done it. (I cried then also.)

Sometimes are jobs don’t fit or make us unhappy. Or we don’t like where we live. Just let go!

Move on. Move forward. Or just let go and see what happens. See how the energy changes, the situation changes on its own when you stop clinging to it, stop hanging on to it and trying to make it work, trying to keep it the same, trying to stop someone from leaving.

How do you do this? With a great deal of faith. Have faith that if you let go it will all work out.

I have to have faith that my son will be all right in New York without me, and that I will adjust to not having him home–that I will find ways to share in his last year of high school despite the fact that we live on different coasts.

Rebbe Nachman says, “Faith depends on a person’s mouth. We must say we believe  — say it aloud! As it is written in Psalm (89:1) ‘I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth.’ When a person has a crisis of faith, or even passing doubts, it is very good if he says out loud: ‘I believe.” Just expressing your faith in words is itself one kind of faith. thorugh doing this you can come to genuine faith.”

This is not much different than the belief that our thoughts and words have a creative energy. What we think and say, we create. So, say, “If I let go, all will be well. I have faith that all will work out for the highest good of those concerned.”

Where in your life do you need to just let go? Try doing so now. Let me know how it goes.

Each year during the Passover holiday Jews tell the story of how the Pharaoh in Egypt enslaved the Israelites. Sometimes we talk about what modern day pharaohs exist in the world. I, however, think most of  us live with personal pharaohs every day–those in our minds.

I know I struggle with the chains put on me by the pharaoh who rules my thoughts. Well, he does not rule all my thoughts, but he does rule my negative thoughts, the ones that hold me back and don’t allow me to achieve my goals or create the things I desire. In this way he keeps me shackled, stuck in one spot.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer the other day and he spoke about how we often have the desire–the thought–that we want to be rich but the opposing thought that we will always be poor (or don’t have the ability to become rich). He said this state of mind equates to insanity. I say it equates to slavery. The part that wants to become rich is shackled by the part that believes it can’t achieve this goal.

Each negative thought that exists in opposition to your positive thought serves as just one more chain that keeps you enslaved to those negative belief patterns. And so you stay stuck right where you are or have been–achieving the same results as before.

How do you free yourself from this bondage? How do you achieve liberation from the pharaoh in your mind?

You become conscious of your unconscious negative thoughts.

Here are a few things to try (and believe me I’m trying them, too)  to help you become conscious of your unconscious thoughts:

1. Catch yourself thinking and saying things that negate what you truly desire.
2. Write down your positive thought in one column of a piece of paper and then write down the first negative thought that comes up in your mind in a second column. Do this until you run out of negative thoughts in your “response” column.
3. Ask a friend or loved one to tell you when they hear you saying something that negates your desires.
4. Spend time journaling about why you think you don’t achieve your desires.
5. Explore any issues of deservability or self-worth with a counselor or coach.
6. Make affirmations of action; rather than saying or writing positive things, actually do things that convince your mind that you are what you say you are.
7. When you say something that negates your positive thought qualify it with the words “until recently” or something like this that nullifies the negativity of the statement.
8. Try talking to your subconscious mind as if is not “sub”-conscious; treat it as if you want it to “come out of the closet” and be known. Talk to it and ask it to talk back to you. Allow those thoughts to come up in meditation or in your journal.
9. In a journal, ask the part of you that feels negative (about becoming wealthy, getting a new job or finding a perfect mate–or whatever) to tell you why it feels that way. Then try to stay aware of this part of yourself when it’s “energy” arises and turns negative at any given point during the day. In Voice dialogue, a therapeutic process developed by Hal Stone and Sidra Winkleman, this is called developing an “aware ego.” The part of you that functions as”you” most of the time becomes aware of the other parts of you that impact how you behave or react–or think.  We all have many parts of our “selves”–an Inner Child, an Inner Parent, an Inner Critic, etc.–and they can become our pharoahs controlling how we behave. Becoming aware of them allows us to free ourselves of their influence over our thoughts (and our behavior).

I suggest you try freeing yourself from the tyranny of your negative thoughts. It doesn’t have to be Passover for you to do this–and you definitely don’t have to be Jewish. We all become enslaved by our negative thoughts to some degree. I hope some of these tips help you find freedom in some way.

It never fails. Just as I say commit to moving forward with one of my goals or dreams, I get bogged down with a work project.

I should feel grateful for work (and I do on many levels). Work means I brings in money. My husband appreciates the fact that I can contribute to the family income; we need this added financial boost. I usually feel pretty good about actually having income. This means I have clients. Clients mean I am helping others, and I feel appreciated and of value. My self-worth goes up and I feel good. Plus, I can save some of the money to help me bring my goals and dreams into reality. I need to make money to create the things I desire.

For all these reasons, I feel grateful for work projects.

On the other hand…work projects mean I must devote myself to other people’s work–other people’s goals and dreams. Mine get shelved. When this happens, these projects feel like roadblocks to my own goals and dreams.

This makes me think about this quotation from Martha Graham:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”

When I am ready to move forward with a project, I feel the energy flowing. I’m ready to take action! I don’t want to block it. I don’t want to lose it.

I remember a psychic once telling me she thought I had been “joined” by an entity that had come to help me produce my work. I had just told her I felt “pushed” to get my work done; the sense of urgency had grown strong within me. She said, “If you wait to long, this presence will leave.”

Sometimes life gives us so much…so many opportunities. It’s hard to feel grateful for them all, but we must. And we must trust that we will know when the time is right, that everything is falling into place as it should–and at the right time.  We must remember that God’s hand is in everything.

Who knows where this client’s book will take me? Who knows what this income will allow me to do? Who knows how working with this person will affect me, my life, my work?Viewed this way, the work that comes in no longer seems like a roadblock but rather a bridge to something…to my own goals and dreams.

Yet, when the energy flows through me, I must express it. I must find a way–work or no work.

And so must you.

Lately I’ve been feeling stuck. I want to be unstuck. Ever been there?

I’ve tried prayer. I talked to God. I cried to God. I pleaded with God.

I tried counseling. And I got really honest with myself and with others, baring my deepest feelings.

Today in the car I decided to follow Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s advice and sing. I sang along with the songs my son played on my Ipod.

I still felt stuck.

Tomorrow I will get off my butt and start moving my body. I will exercise. No more staying at my desk all day long. I need to get the energy moving.

I also will start doing my own Kabbalistic conscious creation visualization and exercise on a daily basis again.This will help me focus on what I want in my life rather than on what I don’t want–on being unstuck rather than stuck.

Additionally I will implement affirmations into my daily practice–a.m. and p.m. These will help convince me on a conscious and unconscious level of who I truly am and can be.

And I will start using gratitude exercises in the morning and evening, reminding myself of the things for which I am thankful.

And I’ll get one thing knocked off my to-do list each day that gets me closer to my Big Goals.

The point is to change my energy as well as my thoughts and to feel like I am getting unstuck, almost like I’m pushing a car out of a muddy rut.

That’s the problem with getting stuck: All you see is the mud. All you hear is the spinning tires. And all you feel is exhaustion from trying to get unstuck.

You have to do something different. Wait for the mud to dry. Turn the tires. Reverse. Get out of the car and walk…or run.

What do you do when you get stuck? What gets you stuck?

Tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah. My daughter is in New York in college this year. My son and I will be alone; my husband just left on a business trip. We just got back from a trip ourselves and with Hanukkah falling in the middle of the week and no preparation made or presents purchased, the holiday doesn’t feel very festive.

However, I received an email from Idit Klein, executive director of Keshet.  Keshet’s mission is to ensure that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Jews are fully included in all parts of the Jewish community. The email talked about teens like Esther, Sasha, Aaron, and Sarah of the Gay-Straight Alliance at the A. J. Heschel School in New York coming together to light the first candle of the holiday with a kavannah (intention around the blessing). They provide a superb example of the fact that the most effective way to “make things better” lies in allowing young people to make it better for themselves and their peers, in their schools, congregations, youth movements, and communities.

Please take a look at the video they made for Keshet introducing themselves and using the kavannah below for the first candle.

We dedicate this first night of Hanukkah to knowing one’s identity and standing strong against external forces. As we light the first candle, we dedicate this light to each person in our community who needs support to be steadfast, to stay grounded in an inner space of calm and courage.

(Light your candle here)

Our tradition teaches us that each good act gives forth another, one spark makes others, and a string of candles awaits us this week. We hope you will join us this Hanukkah in spreading the light of hope and strength to everyone in our community.

(Adapted by Keshet from http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/1348517/jewish/Eight-Meditations-for-the-Eight-Nights-of-Chanukah.htm.)

In that email I mentioned, Klein wrote, “We’re grateful to youth groups like BBYO for taking a strong role and forwarding the Jewish Community Pledge to their 30,000 members. But we need your help to reach every corner of our community and ensure that no young person has to feel alone or have to hide who they are during this Hanukkah or any other time. Please pass this email along to your friends, and ask them to sign the pledge as well: www.jewishcommunitypledge.org.”

Keshet helped support students at Heschel in the planning of the first school-wide program about homophobia. Learn more about Keshet’s work supporting student and teacher efforts for GLBT inclusion.

I decided it would be my gift to children all over the world today to forward her request along and to share the video and candle-lighting intention above with the hope that others will take on this cause. No child should feel alone or different. Both my children have felt this way too often. As a mother, it breaks my heart. As children, teens and young adults, this experience has colored my children’s perception of who they are. Kids don’t have to be gay or lesbian to feel different or separate or to be teased or bullied. My son, in particular, has always felt most accepted at Jewish camp and in BBYO.

This Hanukkah, give the gift of your support to Jewish children all over the world who feel different in any way–and to help teach others to accept all types of people. It doesn’t cost a dime. I’ve already signed the pledge. (You don’t have to be Jewish to do this.) Will you do the same and share this post?

Is there something about yourself that you consider a “negative,” something you think of as a detriment to your career or resume? Maybe you didn’t graduate from college or you’ve changed jobs often or English isn’t your first language.

Today, figure out how to turn that so-called negative into a positive. Make it an attribute. That’s right. Find some way t0 make that aspect of yourself or your life work for you in such a way that it enhances your career or resume. Show people how it makes you better at your job, more able to help others, an expert in your field.

Then hold your head up and feel proud of who you are and your life experiences.

Think about Oprah Winfrey and her weight issues. She’s struggled with her weight in the public eye for years. Her failure to lose weight could be seen as a detriment; instead it makes her an expert at why diets don’t work, weight loss issues, what diets work and which ones don’t, what stops women from losing weight, and the issues that go with the inability to achieve perfect weight. She’s an “Everywoman” to a lot of women all over the world.

Of course, you also can choose to take the path of personal growth and human potential. You can choose to change things about yourself or about your life–if this is possible. If it’s not, then turn your negatives into positives. Do it now. Don’t wait another day to feel better about yourself and to start seeing the difference this will make in your life and in your career or business.

Yesterday I wrote a post about everything being for the good. Interestingly, today when I opened my daily message from Neale Donald Walsch he had written something very similar. He said God wanted me to know:

…that it sometimes looks like “one thing after the other,” but really, it is Blessing After Blessing.

I know, I know…you don’t experience it that way. But that’s because you don’t see it that way. In this business of life, “What you see is what you get.”

If you think you are looking at struggle, struggle is what you will experience. If you decide that you are looking at a gift (even if you can’t see it clearing in this exact moment), a gift is what you will get. Just wait. You’ll see. I mean that literally. You will see.

I believe we get messages for a reason. I don’t always open Neale’s emails. I only open them on some days. The fact that I opened this email the day after I wrote a post about seeing everything that happens as “for the good” strikes me as quite synchronistic. I’ll take that to mean I’m on to something: I–we–should all try harder to see the blessing (the good) in all that happens to us. And not only will we have an easier time accepting our situations, but we will create more blessings and more good in our lives.

Lots of experts–including me!–will tell you to think positively and to speak positively to yourself.  These are not new ideas.

The fact that our thoughts are creative has been around for a long time, as the author of The Secret wanted us to realize, however, it has been no secret. As the Law of Attraction says, we must combine our thoughts and feelings to create what we want. (Add action into that formula.)

And psychologists have long known that when we use affirmations our subconscious mind tends to believe what we say. That’s why positive self talk works. We affirm that what we want is already true and the mind responds as if it is.

Many spiritual traditions also say that we know everything there is to know prior to taking on a physical body. However, as soon as we are born, we forget all that knowledge.

I watched a little girl in a video that seemd to be having a moment of remembering…and she provides a wonderful example of what it means to take time in the morning to combine our positive thoughts with positive feelings. Indeed, using these principles in the morning can help you create a positive day. She’s “doing positive self talk” or affirmations exactly as they should be done. She’s demonstration these principles for all of us–and then running off to have a great day!

So watch and learn from an expert!

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I write a blog about blogging a book into existence. (I’m actually blogging a book about how to blog a book.) So, I’m always looking for information on what types of blogs are being found by agents and publishers and turned into books.

Today I found an article about an awesome blog that was found and turned into a book. I plan to put the blog on my blog roll right after this. Finding out about this blog and book is my awesome “thing” for the day.

During the worst year of his life, Canadian Neil Pasricha decided to try to focus on the positive and come up with 1000 simple, free, awesome things most people take for granted, posting one each day on a blog 1000awesomethings.com. Pasricha, 30, who works in human resources in Toronto, won two Webby awards,  known as “the Oscars of the Internet,” at the same time that his marriage broke up and one of his closest friends committed suicide. Yet, he kept on finding little things that he found awesome…like putting on underwear hot from the drier, the moment when you unravel the knot in a necklace, finding change in your pocket, and a new checkout lane opening up at the grocery store.

The Book of Awesome, published by Amy Einhorn Books/Putnam, contains 200 of his awesome things. It’s due out this week.

Wow. What an awesome idea! And what an awesome practice. I’m going to start looking for awesome things in my life every day. How about you?

In the last week or so I’ve received a few messages reminding me to tell myself that I’m wonderful. Do you ever tell yourself how great you are?

Just before my birthday, a friend counseled me to look in the mirror often and tell myself how great I am and to acknowledge myself for all the things I accomplish each day. She asked me to actually list all the things I do and verbally pat  myself on the back for them.

Then she made me think about how often I give myself credit for any of it. In truth, I don’t give myself credit often enough–if ever. I tend to be very hard on myself and always criticize myself for not getting enough done. Like most people, I feel I’m not good enough and I must always strive to be better in almost every area of my life.

Today I received a similar message in the form of a blog post. The author told me to be passionate about myself. He linked to a blog post with the same message. She said to celebrate yourself and toot your own horn.

Okay, I’m passing on the message. Today…and everyday…tell yourself you are wonderful. Stand in front of the mirror every morning and every evening and give yourself credit for every little and big thing you accomplished and say, “I am amazing. There is no one else like me on the planet. I am special. I am great. I accomplish a lot. I do wonderful things.”

Indeed, you are and you do. And so do I!