People come into our lives in all sorts of ways. Some are born into our lives. We are born into the lives of others, thus they become part of our lives. And some walk into our lives due to the places we go and and the experiences we have. In all cases, we have to learn not only to hold on to those people we love tightly but to loosen our grip and to let go…to let them go, if necessary.

I learned this lesson just this week as I let my son go off to New York City. It was not his time to leave home in the traditional sense. He was entering his senior year of high school. He should have been home with me for another year. Yet, it was his time to go…He received a wonderful opportunity to pursue his dance education that he could not pass up, not would I want him to pass it up.

And so, even though it was hard, I just had to let go. I had to let him go.

Was it easy? No. In fact, I spent the last two days at home alone crying on and off. I will miss him…and his senior year. But I’ll survive and he will likely thrive. Maybe I’ll thrive, too.

Often we have relationships that aren’t good for us, yet we cling to them. Or we have relationships that aren’t growing and we know we should allow the other person (or ourselves) to grow. We just have to let go.

When our children go off to college, we have to just let go. That’s hard, too. I’ve done it. (I cried then also.)

Sometimes are jobs don’t fit or make us unhappy. Or we don’t like where we live. Just let go!

Move on. Move forward. Or just let go and see what happens. See how the energy changes, the situation changes on its own when you stop clinging to it, stop hanging on to it and trying to make it work, trying to keep it the same, trying to stop someone from leaving.

How do you do this? With a great deal of faith. Have faith that if you let go it will all work out.

I have to have faith that my son will be all right in New York without me, and that I will adjust to not having him home–that I will find ways to share in his last year of high school despite the fact that we live on different coasts.

Rebbe Nachman says, “Faith depends on a person’s mouth. We must say we believe  — say it aloud! As it is written in Psalm (89:1) ‘I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth.’ When a person has a crisis of faith, or even passing doubts, it is very good if he says out loud: ‘I believe.” Just expressing your faith in words is itself one kind of faith. thorugh doing this you can come to genuine faith.”

This is not much different than the belief that our thoughts and words have a creative energy. What we think and say, we create. So, say, “If I let go, all will be well. I have faith that all will work out for the highest good of those concerned.”

Where in your life do you need to just let go? Try doing so now. Let me know how it goes.

Each year during the Passover holiday Jews tell the story of how the Pharaoh in Egypt enslaved the Israelites. Sometimes we talk about what modern day pharaohs exist in the world. I, however, think most of  us live with personal pharaohs every day–those in our minds.

I know I struggle with the chains put on me by the pharaoh who rules my thoughts. Well, he does not rule all my thoughts, but he does rule my negative thoughts, the ones that hold me back and don’t allow me to achieve my goals or create the things I desire. In this way he keeps me shackled, stuck in one spot.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer the other day and he spoke about how we often have the desire–the thought–that we want to be rich but the opposing thought that we will always be poor (or don’t have the ability to become rich). He said this state of mind equates to insanity. I say it equates to slavery. The part that wants to become rich is shackled by the part that believes it can’t achieve this goal.

Each negative thought that exists in opposition to your positive thought serves as just one more chain that keeps you enslaved to those negative belief patterns. And so you stay stuck right where you are or have been–achieving the same results as before.

How do you free yourself from this bondage? How do you achieve liberation from the pharaoh in your mind?

You become conscious of your unconscious negative thoughts.

Here are a few things to try (and believe me I’m trying them, too)  to help you become conscious of your unconscious thoughts:

1. Catch yourself thinking and saying things that negate what you truly desire.
2. Write down your positive thought in one column of a piece of paper and then write down the first negative thought that comes up in your mind in a second column. Do this until you run out of negative thoughts in your “response” column.
3. Ask a friend or loved one to tell you when they hear you saying something that negates your desires.
4. Spend time journaling about why you think you don’t achieve your desires.
5. Explore any issues of deservability or self-worth with a counselor or coach.
6. Make affirmations of action; rather than saying or writing positive things, actually do things that convince your mind that you are what you say you are.
7. When you say something that negates your positive thought qualify it with the words “until recently” or something like this that nullifies the negativity of the statement.
8. Try talking to your subconscious mind as if is not “sub”-conscious; treat it as if you want it to “come out of the closet” and be known. Talk to it and ask it to talk back to you. Allow those thoughts to come up in meditation or in your journal.
9. In a journal, ask the part of you that feels negative (about becoming wealthy, getting a new job or finding a perfect mate–or whatever) to tell you why it feels that way. Then try to stay aware of this part of yourself when it’s “energy” arises and turns negative at any given point during the day. In Voice dialogue, a therapeutic process developed by Hal Stone and Sidra Winkleman, this is called developing an “aware ego.” The part of you that functions as”you” most of the time becomes aware of the other parts of you that impact how you behave or react–or think.  We all have many parts of our “selves”–an Inner Child, an Inner Parent, an Inner Critic, etc.–and they can become our pharoahs controlling how we behave. Becoming aware of them allows us to free ourselves of their influence over our thoughts (and our behavior).

I suggest you try freeing yourself from the tyranny of your negative thoughts. It doesn’t have to be Passover for you to do this–and you definitely don’t have to be Jewish. We all become enslaved by our negative thoughts to some degree. I hope some of these tips help you find freedom in some way.

It never fails. Just as I say commit to moving forward with one of my goals or dreams, I get bogged down with a work project.

I should feel grateful for work (and I do on many levels). Work means I brings in money. My husband appreciates the fact that I can contribute to the family income; we need this added financial boost. I usually feel pretty good about actually having income. This means I have clients. Clients mean I am helping others, and I feel appreciated and of value. My self-worth goes up and I feel good. Plus, I can save some of the money to help me bring my goals and dreams into reality. I need to make money to create the things I desire.

For all these reasons, I feel grateful for work projects.

On the other hand…work projects mean I must devote myself to other people’s work–other people’s goals and dreams. Mine get shelved. When this happens, these projects feel like roadblocks to my own goals and dreams.

This makes me think about this quotation from Martha Graham:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”

When I am ready to move forward with a project, I feel the energy flowing. I’m ready to take action! I don’t want to block it. I don’t want to lose it.

I remember a psychic once telling me she thought I had been “joined” by an entity that had come to help me produce my work. I had just told her I felt “pushed” to get my work done; the sense of urgency had grown strong within me. She said, “If you wait to long, this presence will leave.”

Sometimes life gives us so much…so many opportunities. It’s hard to feel grateful for them all, but we must. And we must trust that we will know when the time is right, that everything is falling into place as it should–and at the right time.  We must remember that God’s hand is in everything.

Who knows where this client’s book will take me? Who knows what this income will allow me to do? Who knows how working with this person will affect me, my life, my work?Viewed this way, the work that comes in no longer seems like a roadblock but rather a bridge to something…to my own goals and dreams.

Yet, when the energy flows through me, I must express it. I must find a way–work or no work.

And so must you.

Tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah. My daughter is in New York in college this year. My son and I will be alone; my husband just left on a business trip. We just got back from a trip ourselves and with Hanukkah falling in the middle of the week and no preparation made or presents purchased, the holiday doesn’t feel very festive.

However, I received an email from Idit Klein, executive director of Keshet.  Keshet’s mission is to ensure that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Jews are fully included in all parts of the Jewish community. The email talked about teens like Esther, Sasha, Aaron, and Sarah of the Gay-Straight Alliance at the A. J. Heschel School in New York coming together to light the first candle of the holiday with a kavannah (intention around the blessing). They provide a superb example of the fact that the most effective way to “make things better” lies in allowing young people to make it better for themselves and their peers, in their schools, congregations, youth movements, and communities.

Please take a look at the video they made for Keshet introducing themselves and using the kavannah below for the first candle.

We dedicate this first night of Hanukkah to knowing one’s identity and standing strong against external forces. As we light the first candle, we dedicate this light to each person in our community who needs support to be steadfast, to stay grounded in an inner space of calm and courage.

(Light your candle here)

Our tradition teaches us that each good act gives forth another, one spark makes others, and a string of candles awaits us this week. We hope you will join us this Hanukkah in spreading the light of hope and strength to everyone in our community.

(Adapted by Keshet from http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/1348517/jewish/Eight-Meditations-for-the-Eight-Nights-of-Chanukah.htm.)

In that email I mentioned, Klein wrote, “We’re grateful to youth groups like BBYO for taking a strong role and forwarding the Jewish Community Pledge to their 30,000 members. But we need your help to reach every corner of our community and ensure that no young person has to feel alone or have to hide who they are during this Hanukkah or any other time. Please pass this email along to your friends, and ask them to sign the pledge as well: www.jewishcommunitypledge.org.”

Keshet helped support students at Heschel in the planning of the first school-wide program about homophobia. Learn more about Keshet’s work supporting student and teacher efforts for GLBT inclusion.

I decided it would be my gift to children all over the world today to forward her request along and to share the video and candle-lighting intention above with the hope that others will take on this cause. No child should feel alone or different. Both my children have felt this way too often. As a mother, it breaks my heart. As children, teens and young adults, this experience has colored my children’s perception of who they are. Kids don’t have to be gay or lesbian to feel different or separate or to be teased or bullied. My son, in particular, has always felt most accepted at Jewish camp and in BBYO.

This Hanukkah, give the gift of your support to Jewish children all over the world who feel different in any way–and to help teach others to accept all types of people. It doesn’t cost a dime. I’ve already signed the pledge. (You don’t have to be Jewish to do this.) Will you do the same and share this post?

This week I celebrated my 50^th birthday by attending a three day writing retreat. I treated myself to two extra days on the site.

Everyone just left but one woman who is staying an extra day and my roommate, who is also staying the two extra days.

Turning 50 didn’t really make that much difference to me. However, I had some writing projects I wanted to finish, and the idea of going away to finish them seemed efficient and enticing.

It also seemed a great way to affirm a few things to myself and to the world at large. It affirmed that I was worth spending time alone with. It affirmed that my writing was important—to me and in general. (This was important for my family to understand as well.) It affirmed that I was a writer. (You would think I would know this after all these years, but sometimes we need to restate what we know.) And it affirmed that if I put my mind to getting some writing done—if I set writing goals—I could meet them.

I’d never been on a writing retreat before; I’ve been writing since my early childhood years. Going away for the express purpose of only writing seemed exciting and daunting. The first few days I had the distraction of 24 writers and social time.  Now, it’s time for some serious writing, contemplation, meditation…and more writing.

What do you want to affirm to yourself? What have you not done before that you want to do?

Every day I wake up, come upstairs to my office, sit down in front of my computer, and begin working. Sometimes I manage only to accomplish a few minutes of time spent on my own projects. Other days, I spend many hours working towards my personal goals. Each day, however, my mind turns periodically from whatever I’m working on back to the real work I want to being doing–writing my books, composing articles related to those topics for publications, and speaking about the those topics to audiences to that I might uplift, enlighten, inspire, or help someone in some way.

On the days I don’t feel like I’m making any headway–especially on those days, I try to remember to look up at a greeting card my husband once gave me. It bears the words of Henry David Thoreau: “If one advances confidently in the direction  of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” I remind myself that I am doing just that…taking small (sometimes) confident steps towards my dreams and trying to live the life I have imagined. Therefore, I must eventually meet with success.

Too many of us give up on our dreams before they come true. Too many of us get frustrated and impatient. I say take the motto, “Never give up. Endeavor to live the life you imagine!”

We must have faith and continue moving forward, visualizing that life, believing it will become a reality, and taking inspired action towards manifesting it. These important tools require us to focus our thoughts, have a clear intention, imagine our goal or dream already created. For those who know about and believe in the power of conscious or deliberate creation (The Law of Attraction), this comes into play but with action added in. I’m not talking about simply sitting back and visualizing. I’m talking about doing something–”advancing confidently” via inspired action steps. I’m talking about “endeavoring to live the life” we imagine–that means exerting effort.

Will you do so? Will you join me in advancing confidently in the direction of our dreams and endeavoring to life the life you imagine?

My recent trip back to home, as well as to Syracuse University, where I earned my degree in magazine journalism, Westchester County, where I took my first two jobs right after college, and New York City, where I worked prior to leaving New York State for good, left me thinking about the path I have taken to get where I am now.

I believe Buddah said, “No matter where you go, there you are.” Surely, in each of those places, there I was…a bit different than I am today for sure.

I have traveled all the way across the country to where I am now, and there I am…here I am, but is that where I want to be? Is the path I have taken one that I would repeat if I could do it over again? Would I repeat my steps?

Every experience in life gets you to where you are, makes you the person you become. I’d have to say, however, that there are a few experiences and places I’ve been that I’d have avoided if I could have; there are things I’ve done, choices I’ve made, that I regret. I’m not sure I like how they’ve molded me. I’m not sure I like the person I have become because of those experiences and encounters. I’d have to say I’d do some things differently, make a few different choices, if I was allowed a “do over.”

That said, I can’t go back in time. None of us can. We can only move forward. Where ever you are, that’s where you must start–with the you that you are in that moment. From that place and moment in time you must begin “doing it differently.” From the present moving looking towards the future you can create change in your life. You can do this with full knowledge of what you would do differently if you could live your life over again – but knowing that you can’t.

Today, ask yourself the question: What would I do differently if I could? Look at the past. Look at who you have become. Imagine how you would like to be living. Envision who you would like to be. Then begin making choices that help you get there in the future.

Don’t forget to look back at the choices you made, experiences you had, people you encountered, and places you have been that also helped in a positive way to make you who you are today. Be grateful for those…and repeat the types of actions that brought you to those moments in time.

Do you want to be good at something? Do desire to be the best at your art, profession, sport, or hobby? If so, do you work at perfecting what you do? If not, you won’t achieve your goal.

Even if you possess an inordinate amount of talent, you still need to perfect what you do.

I’ve spent most of this week watching my son perfect his art — dance. He has not been alone in this endeavor. The studios at Broadway Dance Center in New York City have been filled with dancers perfecting their art. They go from class to class and come out drenched with sweat but smiling. While in the studio, they are focused, intent and working hard. Most are working up to their full capacity, drawing on the group’s energy. And this is what they do all day, every day…or as often as they can, whenever they can. You can see them in the hallways rehearsing together. You can hear them discussing dance together. You can watch them choreographing as they listen to their Ipods. For them, perfecting their art form represents a constant endeavor. It’s never far from their consciousness, even when they are doing something unrelated.

How many of us behave the same way, have the same focus or consciousness about what we do or say we want to do? Do I work at pefecting my writing and getting published all day every day? (No.) How many of us come up with excuses? I’m too tired. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money. I have responsibilities that don’t allow me to perfect what I do…or to do it.

Today, I suggest we all begin not only doing what we say we want to do, but perfecting what we do as well. We should use dancers as our role models and make what we do integral to who we are, work at it hard every day and keep it at the forefront of our minds at all times. Train like a dancer to be the best, to surpass your current level of proficiency, to achieve your dreams.

Are you taking advantage of opportunities that come your way? Or are you ignoring them? Or, are you, like me, negating them?

Lately, I’ve been finding ways to negate opportunities that come my way by finding excuses for not taking advantage of them. I say, “I shouldn’t do that,” or “It wouldn’t be appropriate to do this.” I find an excuse for not making the most of what the Universe, or God, puts before me. In other words, I don’t receive, or accept, what I manifest.

If you believe in the Law of Attraction, or conscious or deliberate creation, this means you actually are manifesting the first steps of your desires (or maybe your actual desires), but you aren’t opening yourself to receiving them. Maybe you just aren’t being conscious of what you are receiving. You have to become very aware of what you are creating and then be open to actually letting it into your life and taking action upon it.

This week, I took advantage of one of three different opportunities, and it looks like they might just turn out really well for me — and for my son. There’s another opportunity I plan to take advantage of as well.

What opportunities have you been presented with that you are ignoring, negating or finding some other way not to take advantage of? I challenge you this week to “grab the ring” as they say. Go for it! If you have manifested that opportunity, of if God has put it before you, make the most of it! You’ve got nothing to lose by doing so…only by not doing so.

What is it about a deadline that makes you actually get your work done? I’m a journalist; deadlines constitute a way of life for me. I deal with them day in and day out. I don’t typically like them, but I deal with them. I meet them-always.

When I don’t have deadlines imposed on me by someone else, however, I don’t get much done. I tend to meander through my day without a lot of focus. However, if I institute a self-imposed deadline, wallah! I get things done. Why is that?

Now, by a self-imposed deadline I don’t just mean that I tell myself, “Nina, by this Friday, you must have this story written.” Usually, I have a much more significant type of deadline. For instance, a while back I told myself, “Nina, by the time your writing group meets again, you have to have your book proposal updated and ready to be sent out so you can tell them you did it.”

What’s the difference? In the first case, it wouldn’t matter if I missed the deadline. Nothing would happen. I might be disappointed in myself, but that’s about it. In the second case, although technically nothing would happen if I missed the deadline, I wouldn’t be able to tell my fellow writers I had accomplished this goal. This fact drove me forward to finish the project. My writer’s group members didn’t know I had imposed this deadline, but I wanted to be able to say I had accomplished something during the two weeks between our meetings. However, had I told them it was my goal to accomplish this task by this meeting date, they might have been disappointed in me. This would have employed the “accountability partner” element into the process, something that can also drive you to meet your deadlines.

Currently, I’m in the process of preparing to leave home and travel to New York City for a seven-week stay. I’ll be working from there; I can basically do everything I normally do from there without problem. I can’t, however, print documents. So, I looked over all the work I might want to accomplish during that time, and I realized that all the book proposals and query letters I might want to send during that that seven-week period had to be sent now…before I left. That gave me a deadline. (Not to mention that more than half of the agents and publishers are in New York City…) And, despite the fact that it put a lot of extra stress on me (that I didn’t need) and I lost a lot of sleep in the process, I ended up meeting my self-imposed deadline. I sent out more proposals and queries in a two week period than I’d sent out in a year (or more).

So, why do we need deadlines? Why do I function better-or why am I more productive-with a deadline hanging over my head? Obviously, I need the pressure of a time crunch and a perceived consequence to get my work done. However, it would be so much nicer to just get my work done without all that pressure and stress and lack of sleep.

I deduce that I don’t lack passion for what I do, for passion definitely drives us to complete our work (if we are passionate about that work) without a deadline. I deduce that the fear of rejection, failure and success all weigh into this equation. They hold me back from simply doing what I want to do on a daily basis. They cause me to procrastinate and “meander’ through my day being less productive than I’d like. A deadline forces me to move through my fear and simply do what I need to do-what I know I want to do and must do to achieve my goals-to fulfill my purpose and see my passion come to fruition.

Some of the most successful people in the world live with self-imposed deadlines every day. For instance, Jack Canfield, “America’s success coach,” and the author of many books that address this subject, says that our goals should all be chunked down into pieces that are then assigned tasks with deadlines. If we then move forward step by step doing something little each day to meet those deadlines, we achieve our goals-we become successful.

So, maybe this need for deadlines simple represents human nature. Maybe it has less to do with moving through fear than simply getting organized and finding a way to make achieving our goals a “task” of life.

It would be nicer, though, to simply sit down each day and find the inspiration to get these things done. Inspiration comes from within; it’s not something imposed upon us. It’s easier, though, to be inspired to paint a picture, choreograph a dance, write a book, or go for a walk than it is to do the busy work…the stuff that feels like work. And therein lies a big part of the problem as well. Those of us who call ourselves “artists” would rather just create art than do the business of art making. Without the business…no art shows up in the world.

All this to say: I’m doing the business these days. I’m imposing deadines, and I’m getting a lot of things done. And while it’s stressful sometimes, and some days I feel really tired, I’ve been, oh, so productive. And you know what? That feels great. It’s also fabulous to think that I’ve increased the chances of actually manifesting what I desire enormously through all this concerted effort and focused action.

So, why don’t you try imposing a deadline or two on yourself? You might be surprised at the results you achieve.